Hello, I managed to cram all the things that I had to accomplish in one day and I felt so productive last night! Despite our hectic schedule, my mother and I still got on the last boat trip home and successfully had dinner at 7 p.m before we went home. The interview went fairly well and I'm pleased with how I did. I got to make a handful of new friends as well which is somewhat of a feat considering my tendency to close myself off people I'm not really comfortable with. It's time to step out of my comfort zone though. I'm not a little girl anymore.

Also, I am screaming in my head right now because fatalfangirl reblogged my ask reply text post thing about kaisoo and I am in near hysterics because I love her fics and I was just reading Syndicate last night. "This is really cute and basically my headcanon, bless you" BLESS YOU TOO ;____;

Under the cut are some photos from when I was out swimming with friends!  (all from Joy's iTouch)

Blognote #14: {05/06/14}

I had a blast today! I woke up at 6 a.m to the sound of Kyungsoo's morning wake-up call just because I wanted a good start to what I hoped would be a great day. And a great day it was, indeed!

I went over to Joy's house and it was a good thing that by the time I arrived, she was already up. I had an inkling beforehand that maybe I still had to shake her awake because I know that girl's sleeping habits u___u We went over to McDonald's to have breakfast and when we were lining up to order, I got surprised by a girl running to our direction at full speed, her arms wide open for a hug. Turned out it was Natasha! I missed her so much and it was good to see her after such a long time, especially since today is Baekhyun's birthday and Baek's her bias. After a bit of small talk, we went over to our table and waited for Joy's parents to fetch us and drive us to Asyana's club house, where we swam and had hearty conversations in their pool. It was good catching up with Frances, Julienne, Melissa, and Francine and it was sad that the day passed by quickly for me. They're in the Panaad Stadium right now watching a football game that I was supposed to attend as well but my mother declined because I live far away (boooooooooo).

On the bright side, look the things Julienne got me from Taiwan!!!!!!!!!!!

hear me out?

Hi, guys, life's been a series of ups and downs for me as of late. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster ride going nowhere. I broke down last Sunday night when I thought I'd lost the notebook where I've been writing all my poems for the book but I found it yesterday lying around on my mother's bed and I almost broke down again just from the sheer happiness of having found it. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. today to make myself two egg sandwiches with mayonnaise and cheese to bring to school only to realize that I'd forgotten to put them inside my bag when I stepped inside my classroom. It instantly dampened my already bad Tuesday morning mood (our Tuesday schedule sucks). This Friday I'm watching a special screening of Catching Fire with my schoolmates and all proceeds will go to a fundraising project spearheaded by one of my friends, Frances, who happens to be the student council president. By the way, if you're from school and you don't have any plans on Friday, come watch with us! There are still tickets available and you'll be watching the movie for a good cause. On the topic of Friday, I just found out today that I won't be able to watch MAMA 2013 live and that's a real bummer but I'll be sleeping over at Joy's house and hopefully, I'll be able to catch up on the things I've missed. I actually have a busy weekend ahead of me. There's the Big Sis - Lil Sis party on Saturday afternoon and I haven't actually talked to my "little sister" yet but I have an inkling she'll be there nonetheless. I'm not actually all that confident but I just hope we'll get along well. After Saturday's events, I have to attend the DSPC (Division Schools Press Conference) on Sunday. Never thought I'd be able to join but I'm one of the scriptwriters for the Radio-broadcasting team. I don't know if they were being serious about assigning me as team leader since I have zero experience but I'll take whatever comes along. I need to step out of my comfort zone and get myself out there, if you know what I mean.

November is such a busy bee of a month. I'm only halfway through with it yet I am already incredibly drained. I still have a news article to write and I don't know how to write a news article. I don't know how to write when it truly counts, period. The long tests and projects and activities are piling up and it is so overwhelming. If I am this tired, I wonder how my other classmates feel, especially the ones who've got loads more on their plates as opposed to my meager stack.

I sincerely hope you're feeling better than I am.

This Week in Photos: {08/11/13 - 08/17/13}

Current state of my "study table" oooh la la~

Hooray I have flowers

a list of interesting things that happened today:

• Math long test like no other Math long test I've ever taken before. lol what was that all about
• "My butt is vibrating."
• "CHRYSS, HOW IS YOUR BUTT VIBRATING"
• Dindin singing at the top of her lungs even though she was off-key and Stiffy, Joy, and I suffering the consequences. And then it rained. Wow, I wonder who caused that???
• *coughs*
• Dindin had 40 minutes of free time to change but instead, chose to change when we were already near our destination. /facepalm
• Some of the best things happen when you're waiting in the backseat of a van with three other people and the four of you are cramped together with bongos.
• I accidentally called Joy's mother on her cellphone. Twice.
• Joy and I planning on forming an ~air drum~ group for the shizz. 
• S C R E A M O
• Inah telling me tips on how to gain weight because I promised my mom that I'll gain at least 2 kilograms before the concert as a sort of payback.
• Me forgetting about Heechul's birthday. /slams head on wall
• My mother telling me to go sleep in the bathroom because she was so focused on playing Candy Crush.
• Pia christening me with a new name, "Chryzzie". One more name to add to my mile-long list of names created by my friends. You guys are the best!!!
• My essay got picked. My essay actually got picked. I'm still wondering how and why that happened.

School sucks. Kyungsoo's hair is red, Sehun's hair is blue. I won't get to see Kris, Yixing, and Luhan and this is making my heart ache. The concert is still two months away and I just want to fast-forward to September 7 already. I'm planning on making a list of gifts to buy for them. On another note, we had an essay-writing contest today and my essay sucked. I didn't like the topic so I was frustrated and wrote with no feeling whatsoever. Right now, I want to lie down on a huge pile of feather pillows and just sleep all these assignments away but I've got a long test in Physics plus quizzes in Math, CLE, Health, English, and Filipino tomorrow.  Oh, and don't forget about the Dove screenings during recess and lunch time tomorrow!!!

Good luck to me, I hope I get through all of these alive.

I came home with a smile on my face today because I spent the better half of the car ride back to the place that changes talking to a 7th grader about korean pop and everything else that tickles my fancy. She's three years younger than I am and it was the first time I ever tried talking to her but it wasn't awkward at all since it was so easy to vent and to let out all the things I hide from most of my friends. You see, I like talking to people with the same interests as me since I don't get to do that often. My best friend listens to me all the time whenever I ramble on and on about SHINee and EXO and all the other groups I obsess over and I love her so much for putting up with all my incoherent fangirling but it's really different when I get to hold a long conversation with someone who is just as passionate about korean pop as I am. I can't even bring myself to care that she's more into girl groups, I just feel so happy to have someone to talk to at the end of every school day, someone I can squeal with and share fandom inside jokes with, someone who understands how it's like to be a kpop fan.

Cheers to new friends ♥

just got home and i smell like sweat and sweet friendship. first day back at school was a blast and i don't know how many times i got hugged and tackled today but special mentions go to natasha and darla for screaming in my ear while embracing the life out of me. also to angel for spinning me around like a wee little doll. the morning consisted of a general assembly and an orientation given by our advisers and then we were dismissed at 11:20 and given the rest of the day off. frances, anne mary, princess, joy, and i headed to the nearest korean mini mart and had kimbap for lunch. sex in my mouth, i swear. afterwards, we went to robinson's to shop for school supplies and then hung out at green tree gelato cafe to wind down. when joy told the cashier that i was ordering green tea gelato, she asked me first if i wanted a free sample and i was a bit perplexed until i put two and two together and figured that people probably regretted ordering such a weird-tasting flavor. not everyone appreciates green tea like i do, i guess. but it was really goooooood. green tea ice cream owns my soul, i swear u____u

today was a good day <3

04/05/13 in photos

So last Friday after Cards Out, I met up with two of my dear friends to ~hang~

This is my friend, Marielle.

We ate lunch at Yellow Cab in which I only had one slice of pizza because I was still full from the brunch I had with Mom. Look at Marielle's new friend, Ellen! Don't be fooled by her (his?) innocent looks, that pink elephant has a mean streak and a sharp mouth.

After lunch, we just sort of wandered around the mall aimlessly, until we finally settled down in some random coffee stall (was it Brew Ha?) and I ate korean ice cream ehehe. Melona never fails. Our initial plan on hanging out was to catch up with each other and we did just that, talking about the most random of things and playing with Ellen. Marielle had to go home early to get the tips of her hair dyed so it was only Joy and I afterwards. The both of us headed to our favorite place in the mall, the food court!

The food court is actually my sort of safe haven in the mall. There's so many people around and there's a lot of buzz and activity so even if you sit down by yourself and read a book or listen to some music, you'll never feel lonely. Whenever I have nothing else better to do, I go to the food court just so I can have some alone time with myself and write, read, observe people, or think. It's nice, really.

Yeah, I look like a little boy.

My best friend, Joy, aka top one of the batch hihihihihihihihihi

Look at the world. It’s filled with cracked pavements, trees with no more leaves, dead flowers, graffitied walls, chipped nail polish, blinking city lights, white shirts stained with coffee spills, children’s laughter, paint peeling off walls, rundown bookshops, used tea bags, dirty fingertips, crumpled bedsheets, passionate kisses under covers, chaste pecks on the cheek stolen in train stations, freckled faces, toe-holed socks, drawers filled with poems, dusty attics, unwashed laundry, hand-knitted sweaters, bonfires, words on paper, ink on skin, and inhabitants with warm blood gushing through their veins despite the coldness they feel in their hearts, inhabitants with a plethora of emotions and feelings and thoughts and stories both happy and sad, twisted and tragic with a slice of life.

Look at the world again. It’s beautiful.

In which Chryss actually cares about people.

It's funny how your perspective of a person can change once you get to know him/her. For example, there's this senior who's known for being notorious and "wild" and I used to think that she was just that. But when I got to be with her in a club project, I soon warmed up to the idea that she's more than the labels that hover invisibly above her head, the labels that people have mindlessly stamped on her reputation. She's sweet and funny and actually responsible.

People aren't people until you get to know them on a deeper level. The person who everyone thinks is a bitch has a soft spot for animals, the smart kid who gets the highest grades feels she's never enough, the pretty girl who makes boys' knees go weak has loads of insecurities, and the one who's always smiling is hurting a lot inside.

This is cliche and I know I should never use cliches when writing because it's bad practice but I felt the need to let this out.

.

i am the frost on your window,
the cry of a young wolf,
the thin blade of grass you just passed by.
i am the wind that caresses your cheeks,
the sweat that trickles down the nape of your neck,
the cold that embraces you during lights out.
i am the soft earth you trample your feet on,
the deep well in the forest you got lost in,
the path you followed that led to nowhere.
i am the stars in the midnight sky,
the languid clouds on a summer afternoon,
the drippy symphony of the crickets.
i am the white-picket fence,
the rusty old gate,
the creak you hear when open the cedar door.
i am the sigh that escapes your lips,
your early morning breaths,
the unfinished sentence you struggle to let out.
i am the scrawls on your notebook,
the dirt on your fingertips,
the paint stains on your shirt.
i am your cup of Sunday morning coffee,
the sluggishness of Monday noon,
the cool Tuesday evening dew.
i am the the lightning streaks you fear,
the ocean you once almost drowned in,
the broken china you dropped when you received news of your mother’s death.
i am the blood that rushes to your cheeks,
the smell of rain on damp earth,
the tinkling of chimes during an airy day.
i am the cat that jumped on your roof,
the worn-out pages of your favorite book,
the poems you keep in your drawer.
i am the voice inside your head
telling you things i am not
for in reality
i am not a lot of things
and these words mean nothing.
i can never compare to the beauty of life that surrounds you.
i am not a lot of things.
i am not loved and i am not yours.
and it makes me want to be a lot of things i am not
because you are beautiful
and i am just sad.

There are people who leave traces, people who never really vanish.

They may not be etched in your memory forever but as long as all of you are under the same sky, feeling the warmth of the rays coming from the same sun, looking at the same moon, living in the same planet - you hold pieces of those people.

It might be the way they smiled at you, when no one else bothered to acknowledge your presence, might be the way they pulled open the door when you were carrying a handful of things, or it might even be the way they looked at you, during that time you felt most alone and they seemed to understand. Not know, but understand (and sometimes, understanding is more beautiful than just knowing).

I have no idea how many pieces I've collected over the course of my existence and if they all fit together delicately and form an intricate puzzle. But what I do know is that the pieces I hold and I are an open-ended book. 

And because we're open-ended...doesn't that mean we're infinite?

a few things:

• Crying because Onew.
• Crying because airport photos of Onew.
• Crying because Onew's hair.
• Crying because Onew's shyness.
• Crying because Onew's awkwardness in front of the cameras.
• Crying because Onew's smile.
• Cring beacause Onew's painfully gorgeous in an awkward way.
• Crying because Onew's face without shitloads of make-up.
• Crying because Onew's airport fashion.
• Crying because Onew's handling of his bag.
• Crying because Onew talking.
• Crying because Onew walking.
• Crying because Onew blinking.
• Crying because Onew breathing.
• Crying.

• Gago.

• Every little piece of him is beautiful omg
• So many flawless people on my dash today: Ikuta Toma, Kiko Mizuhara, Sen Mitsuji, Cho Kyuhyun, Matsumoto Jun, Kai, and of course, my 5 lovely shining sweetie poos.
• I really really really want Taemin's personal wardrobe. We like the same clothes and we even drink the same banana milk. I swear, this makes us ~*soulmates*~
• Sobs. Leave me alone to wallow in my pool of delusions and false hope.
• Airport photos of SHINee + Me = OTP
• No, of course not. My OT3 is Onew&Taemin + Chryss. Your argument is invalid.
• Sobs.
• Sorry. I'm not usually like this.
• I swear. I'm not.
• Just kidding. I'm a crazy fangirl.
• No really.
• Seriously. 
• H o n e s t l y.
• But you probably know that already.
• Hooraaaay
• You know I'm just hyper right now because I'm going school-shopping in a few hours and also meeting up with my mom's highschool BFFs4eva so I'm in a bit of a depressed state because this day is filled with the idea of school and I kind of just want to punch everything because of course I h8 skool and its halls and its lessons and its people and its hopelessness.

• We will definitely go to the Philippines, they said. We'll hold a concert, they said. You'll be able to hear us sing and watch us dance, they said.
• WAE YOU LIIIEEEE, I said.

• The pains of an international fangirl.

• There was a thunderstorm last night with lots of scary lightning. It lasted for about an hour and a half. It happened at around 1am. Can you imagine me all alone in my room listening to the crackling sound of lightning and the horrible rumbling of thunder and there were like 4 times when the lightning seemed to hit only a couple of streets away and the ground shook and then the electricity went off and I was so scared that the idea of going to my mom's room was so tempting yet another lightning would strike and I would be too afraid to even move, much less breathe. And the rain was also pelting down hard and those screams and wails inside my head probably thought that I was scared shitless enough already that they had the decency to back off because boy, I wanted to cry.
• It was such a frightening experience and I hope it never ever happens again.
• On a much lighter note, I read some really fluffy fics last night that would probably put a cute, snowy rabbit to shame. I wanted to eat all of them up and never let go because you know, fanfiction is the love of my life.
• It's not. I just really love it. But it's not. I'm the love of my life.
• ...
• What is wrong with my head today?
• Maybe I bumped my bedside wall earlier this morning...
• You know, this has got to be my stupidest 'a few things' post to date. And that's saying a lot because I happen to know my most stupid thoughts land on these.
• Oh well.
• 

a few things:

• Onew's gorgeous face is everywhere on my Tumblr dashboard. Omg please stop the sudden influx of pictures or I am going to pack my bags and fly to Korea right now. I can't take it anymore. Sobs.
• During Earth Hour last night, Brother: "There's brownout every other day! There's your Earth Hour!" And the rest of my family didn't really care, stating it wouldn't make a difference if we turned off our lights or not. Mom even said something about thieves and that she wouldn't be able to survive a waking hour in darkness and we should be thankful we have electricity and enjoy it and blah blah blah. It got to the point that I just said to myself, "Ah, whatever. I'll just catch up on my reading list then."
• My family's ignorance dampened my spirit.
• I just found out that our derma consultation + the medicinal cream, lotion, soap, and ointment amounted to the same expense it would take me to buy a SHINee Sherlock Album with Poster plus a Sons of the Sun photo book which I've been lusting after these past few months. Aaaargh
• Anger issues.
• Because I do not give a fuck about the spots and scars on my legs. I don't care that I don't get to wear shorts or I'm all huddled up on the beach or I look like a freak every time I wear pants and the weather is outrageously hot. Would give up anything for SHINee.
• Apparently, my mother and I are not on the same level of thinking. She thinks it is vital I wear shorts and short dresses at this stage in my life because I will regret it when I grow older and have nothing more to flaunt.
• SOOOOOOOOOBS.
• WHY AM I BROKE WHEN I NEED MONEY THE MOST?
• By the way, I bought Cocktail Party by T.S. Eliot yesterday and the main reason why I bought it--you guessed it--is because it is by T.S. Eliot.
• And then I bought another book by an author I didn't know but it seemed interesting so, what the hell.
• "I wish it didn't feel so awkward to tell my parents that I love them."
• It is though. It is terribly awkward.
• I just realized that I dress similarly to Taemin when he's not in the hands of his stylist noonas. You know, whenever he's about and about and dressed in his most casual. We both often wear shirts with stripes, over-sized graphic tees, 3/4-sleeved shirts, and skinny jeans. Now all I need are some Doc Martens and I'll dress exactly like the pretty boy.
• I miss my friends but I am too lazy to get out of the house and I'm tired of the outside world. It's chaos out there. And not even the beautiful kind. Just plain chaos.
• 

12:34 - sometime after 1 (early afternoon)

*Wrote this on my handy-dandy notebook. If your head hasn't hit the table because of boredom after this, then you are amazing.

So I'm stuck here in a really comfortable sofa in a dermatologist's clinic. The room is bitter cold, the clinic has a nice clean smell that all clinics seem to have, and the ambiance is cozy, so I'm in a bit of a complacent mood at the moment. There are only 6 people left, whereas before we left for lunch there were about 20. The last 6 standing: me, my mom, a guy in his late twenties, a boy about my age who's absorbed with his potable video game console, his dad, and an old lady who's been yawning quite a lot the past 30 minutes that I've been here. Minus the 2 receptionists and the other clinical staff, we are all that's left.

I've tried everything to pass the time away. I listened to music but that just left me very sleepy. I read a bit but I already finished the book a month ago so it felt a little dragging. I read the magazines on display but they featured nothing but mainstream fashion and I seem to have a certain loathing towards the latest trends. There was even a short time that I managed to space off, but then my mom nudged my side and told me to sit straight and stop staring at the wall. She then proceeded to ask if it would be nice to firm up her face or something, so that her wrinkles would go away. I promptly said no. I've never been a fan of cosmetic dermatology.

The main reason why I'm here in this abnormally cold clinic is to have the rashes and dark spots on my legs checked, since they've gotten worse ever since I sat down on the grass to enjoy the cool wind last week. They're really itchy and they swell when I scratch on them and it's actually kind of gross and--oops, I'm getting called, wait a bit--

--I'm back. The dermatologist's assistant asked me a bunch of questions and she told me to wait for awhile because I'm going to have my picture taken for record-keeping. Oh, she's calling me again.

---

About 20 minutes have passed. After I got my picture taken, they told me to go inside a room and the dermatologist was there and she started asking me lots of questions and also told me to show her the scars and spots and all that. It's boring to write about. Consultations have always been boring. Then she told me that I'll be applying some cream, lotion, a special type of soap, and some ointment twice a day on my skin and blah blah blah

And then she gave the prescription paper and I went upstairs to get all the creams.

---

About 10 minutes have passed. Right now, I'm in Munsterific and licking a cone of soft-served ice cream while writing this, waiting for my brother to pick us up. 

And I can't believe I managed to write a lengthy description of my visit to the dermatologist.

Such is my life.

Tinychat with my sweethearts (missing: Joy)

cookies for you if you knew I was princesstaemin

It's been awhile. I miss them so mucho~

Especially Carissa, who had to move to another continent. 

Sigh.

Untitled.

These feelings come in waves

Lapping onto the shores of my mind

Anxiety, stress, and pressure

Everything’s done to a measure

I walk as if I’m in a hurry

With no particular destination, endlessly

I hope I’ll reach somewhere beautiful

Somewhere far-out and hopeful

‘Til this day I’m filled with murmurs

To myself and never others

Maybe I’ll yearn for more

Or drown in pity and sorrow

Though I know this’ll fade

It can’t help but linger and parade

Down the alleys of my soul

Penetrating and swallowing me whole

Lucid and unprecedented

These sentiments will pierce and once they do

Maybe I’ll run away from my head

And drift through and through

Let’s all slash our wrists

And make some shifts

Until we all bleed to death

Then maybe we’ll all be happy and shy from apathy

Or maybe some things are better left unsaid

Untitled.

Each day is beginning to get more draining than the last.

I don't even know anymore.

Stress, stress, stress. Feelings, feelings, feelings. Needs and wants and needs and wants. Memories. People changing. People who don't care. People in general. Emotional bullshit. School. "Friends". Estranged parents. Tired bones. Agoraphobia. Sleep-deprived nights. Ache. And everything else in between.

Nothing helps. Not even SHINee, would you believe?

Really need to talk to someone but I don't want to.

I'm fighting my own battle and they're fighting their own as well.

Sigh.

What to do?

Hm.

A lot, actually.

But let's just pretend that there's none.

And then they'll haunt me every day.

Until in due time, I'll have to pay for putting things off.

In this sea of life, I'll drown.

But I hope that this sadness will be replaced with something beautiful.

East Asian goodies + a movie.

After the Family Day at school, I was already well on going home until my mom called me and said that she didn't have anyone with her at Robinson's and demanded that I go there at once and accompany her. Of course, I blatantly refused the offer because I had just spent the whole morning and afternoon around people and I just wanted to go home and rest my bone-tired body. But my weak attempt at declining was no use because as always, she wins.

We had a late afternoon snack at Shakey's and I think my mom could sense my resentment towards her so she said that she'd buy me a book. I think I replied something along the lines of "The books here suck." and "I wish you'd bought me Norwegian Wood while you were in Manila."  Yes, I know I can be quite a little brat sometimes.  ☹

Afterwards, we just kind of roamed around the department store listlessly and then my mom said she needed a new bag and I, having zero interest in those kinds of things, went off to this little section that was filled with all kinds of cute East Asian goodies. Bought a few stuff (the ones underlined):

(from left to right, top to bottom) Cookie jar mouse pad,  Watermelon memo pad, Norwegian Wood, Rilakkuma Cord Holder, kawaii mirror, The Little Prince CD, and a cute notebook

 And then and then and then we went to National Bookstore because my mom still insisted on buying a book although I was a bit reluctant because I knew there weren't going to be nice books available. So I went to the Fiction section and shifted through the books aimlessly, my whole disposition looking uninterested until a saleslady passed by and I don't know what drove me to ask if they had a copy of Murakami's Norwegian Wood because I've asked them countless of times and they always said no but this time, she asked me to follow her and lo and behold, THERE WAS NORWEGIAN WOOD.

*sob sob fucking sob hyperventilate sob sob flail sob run to Mom sob shake sob cry*

And it was the last copy too!

Needless to say, I was a very happy bunny, which made my Mom a happy penguin and then she even told me to go buy candy and melon milk! A LITER OF MELON MILK. Mehehehehehehehe.

Afterwards, we stopped by Astro Vision because she was looking for a copy of Mamma Mia and while she was sorting through the collection of CDs, I found The Little Prince and since I loved the book so much, I went out and bought it (or rather, Mom bought it).

Yesterday was <3