So this is like a somewhat lengthy (read: messy) overview of what happened while I was away doing college errands. It was an eventful four days for me and I'm posting in bullets because I can't trust myself to be coherent when it comes to these kinds of things. I hope you don't mind. This is actually very long and might bore you but I had fun while writing this and if you're interested to know the things that happened, please do read~

May 31, 2014

• My mother and I woke up at 3 a.m because we were taking the first trip to Ilo-ilo which was scheduled at 6 a.m. Since we live an hour away from the pier and we were supposed to check in an hour before the departure, it was necessary that we were up and ready long before the break of dawn. 
• When we arrived at the pier, we had the terrible misfortune of finding out that our trip got cancelled so after asking for a refund from Supercat, my mother and I were in near hysterics. The Parents' Orientation was going to start at 8:30 and the next trip was scheduled at 9. Good thing we bumped into Anne Mary's and Kathleen's parents so we were able to buy tickets from Ocean Jet instead. We were right on schedule.
• Upon arriving at the Ilo-ilo pier, it was only close to 7:30 so the adults decided that we should have breakfast first. The Parents' Orientation was going to be held at the UP Ilo-ilo City Campus instead of Miagao so we were able to have a quick breakfast at the Jollibee situated right in front of the university. Sometime when I was trying to finish my spaghetti, Leanne texted me that the orientation was already starting so we all filed into Kathleen's dad's car and drove to the venue.
• When we got there, I got to say hi to a handful of friends that I got to meet during my frequent visits to Miagao in the past. We were a bit late so I ended up standing during 3/4 of the orientation (which lasted for around 3 hours I think but we left early around 11:30 so I can't be too sure) because there was only one chair available and I offered it to my mother. I can't really say the orientation was interesting, I spent most of it staring off into space.
• After the orientation, we drove all the way to Miagao. I spent most of the hour and a half car ride sleeping but when we arrived at Balay Lampirong (the dormitory where Anne Mary and Kathleen were staying for the Summer Bridge Program), I instantly woke up and hugged them because I missed the both of them so much ;_____; They introduced me to some of the new friends they'd made during their two weeks stay there and it was mostly awkward at first (but boy the next few days were anything but awkward!!!).
• We drove back to Ilo-ilo City (road trip galore) and had lunch there at SM. After lunch, we went our separate ways. Mom and I headed to the hotel to check in then we trekked over to Robinsons and had dinner there plus Mom bought a shitload of bags and wallets on the insistence that "You can't find these back in Bacolod" thus we had to carry five shopping bags back to the hotel OTL
• I immediately slept upon reaching my bed because I was so darn tired.

#365DaysWithEXO

Before anything else, if you expect this to be the usual sappy anniversary posts that I make for SHINee...then I am terribly sorry because this post is going to be a bit crack-ish because those twelve idiots ruined not only my bias list, but also my life in general so I'm not going to go all cheeseballs on them. Thus, this post.

Warning: Extremely incoherent and very long.

Yes, this deserves its own blog post

Warning: Incoherent post

So last night I had a dream with Jino in it so I woke up this morning with a boatload of Jino feelings and I started whining again about why SM Entertainment keeps on hiding my precious little munchkin because I have been painfully waiting for two years for them let Jino out of their dungeon (Sehun's graduation does not count). I mean, I JUST WANT TO HEAR HIM SING AGAIN. Jino has one of my favorite voices in the Korean pop industry (can I still call S.M. The Ballad a kpop group even when all they sing are ballads?...yes, I can) because it's so warm and rich and it's like hot chocolate in your ears. I don't even know what I'm saying at the moment because I'm sort of rambling all my feelings out but yeah, I have major serious issues with SM when it comes to my little munchkin. I mean, I WAS FUMING WITH ANGER AND ABSOLUTE LOATHING TOWARDS EXO WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT HE WASN'T IN THE LINE-UP. About 70% of my interest in the group went out the door when I couldn't find Jino in their official teaser pictures and I guess that's the main reason why I harbored so much hate on EXO last year (but haha, look at me now, they're my laptop's and phone's wallpapers ////sob////)

This is me with fandom: Ramblings (EXO)

Warning: This is a bit messy and all over the place but my feelings are all over the place as well. Word vomit.

On Kai:

• I sincerely think from the bottom of my fangirl heart that Kim Jongin is genuine, like genuine in a way that his "idol mask" is not as deceiving as say, practically everyone in SHINee's lmao. I'm not just saying this because I'm in a love-hate relationship with him, I can see it in the way he holds himself. Onstage, he's like this dancing beast oozing with so much self-confidence and I can see how he's so passionate about performing but offstage, something inside him turns off and he becomes this shy, little teenage boy who grew up too soon for his own good. I get that, you know, being SM's newest golden child and being the face of EXO-K (maybe even of EXO in general) he has this image to keep up and maybe it's exhausting him not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I've read from various fanaccounts that he's not exactly friendly and that he doesn't do much fanservice and it has led to some fans getting irked and annoyed by his indifference but cut the guy some slack. Just because he doesn't want to pose for photos and he's unwilling to perform some aegyeo for you doesn't mean he's a horrible person. He's drained and tired and needs his alone time, what with being surrounded by people (mostly strangers) almost 24/7.
• I really can't understand my feelings for this boy. Loving him's like a paradox. There are days that I want to punch him in the face because I hate him so fucking much and then there are days that I want to fly to Korea and hunt him down and destroy everyone he loves because I am not one of them and I will never be one of them. Ugh.

On Kyungsoo:

• Kyungsoo's such a special snowflake but I can tell all the cute faces and actions and constant bewilderment are somewhat...fake? No, fake's not the right term, maybe just a little bit constructed. Kyungsoo's smart. He knows what the fans want, what the fans like, so he simply delivers. And then we eat up all of his wide eyes and childlike antics and fucking loveable aegyeo and treat him like he's the most adorable 19 (almost 20!) year old to ever grace the face of the Earth. Which he is but that's not the Do Kyungsoo behind the bright lights of the limelight. I think Kyungsoo, the real Kyungsoo, is reserved and closed-off but I don't really mind what he chooses to show to the public because he's fucking cute and has a great voice that sounds good at any range and every idol has a mask on anyway. We just need to look more closely to see through them and maybe we won't like what we see, but hell, that's show business for you!

On Kaisoo:

• They do lots of cute, stupid things together that it makes me want to claw my eyes out. Seriously, I'm too young for this. Kaisoo? More like kaisooicide.
• And the fics are fucking amazing. The main reason why I got into this fandom was because of a Kaisoo fic that was utterly beautiful that it enticed me to join the dark side. I haven't looked back since. Welp.
• But sometimes, I think that those two are just putting on a show to please the fans. But whatever, it's free entertainment and I'm not complaining.

.

i am the frost on your window,
the cry of a young wolf,
the thin blade of grass you just passed by.
i am the wind that caresses your cheeks,
the sweat that trickles down the nape of your neck,
the cold that embraces you during lights out.
i am the soft earth you trample your feet on,
the deep well in the forest you got lost in,
the path you followed that led to nowhere.
i am the stars in the midnight sky,
the languid clouds on a summer afternoon,
the drippy symphony of the crickets.
i am the white-picket fence,
the rusty old gate,
the creak you hear when open the cedar door.
i am the sigh that escapes your lips,
your early morning breaths,
the unfinished sentence you struggle to let out.
i am the scrawls on your notebook,
the dirt on your fingertips,
the paint stains on your shirt.
i am your cup of Sunday morning coffee,
the sluggishness of Monday noon,
the cool Tuesday evening dew.
i am the the lightning streaks you fear,
the ocean you once almost drowned in,
the broken china you dropped when you received news of your mother’s death.
i am the blood that rushes to your cheeks,
the smell of rain on damp earth,
the tinkling of chimes during an airy day.
i am the cat that jumped on your roof,
the worn-out pages of your favorite book,
the poems you keep in your drawer.
i am the voice inside your head
telling you things i am not
for in reality
i am not a lot of things
and these words mean nothing.
i can never compare to the beauty of life that surrounds you.
i am not a lot of things.
i am not loved and i am not yours.
and it makes me want to be a lot of things i am not
because you are beautiful
and i am just sad.