a few things:

• Exactly a year ago, I was hunched over a desk trying my best to answer an entrance examination. And right now, I'm packing up my things and preparing myself for a bigger world out there. It's funny how time flies and how things can change in the course of a year. I have lost and I have gained and I have weighed options in my hands, some heavier than others. And I have watched people grow, become better versions of themselves, become stronger and I am so proud that I can only hope the best for all of us.
• I am 50% done with packing. I'm only saying 50% because I have too many clothes and they all won't fit in the suitcase and backpack that I'm going to be bringing with me on the 15th. I haven't even packed my shoes, slippers, towels, and bed sheets yet. This is going to be quite a struggle.
• Also, since I can't possibly bring all my clothes & things with me on the day that I'm moving in, I'm going back home on the weekend after my first week of school to get my remaining necessities and go back to the dorm again. My uni's a long way from home (a really looooooong way I'm going to cry) and travelling with luggage is tiring but someone's got to do it :c

It's Julienne's birthday today!!! Happy Birthday to that wonderful girl who will always be in my heart no matter the distance between us ♥

Also, Mosogourmet tweeted me today and I just wanna cry because baking senpai noticed me ;__________;

By the way, it's finally August and there are exactly two weeks left before I leave for college and below are some things I want to keep in mind and take to heart:

"No writing is wasted. Did you know that sourdough from San Francisco is leavened partly by a bacteria called lactobacillus sanfrancisensis? It is native to the soil there, and does not do well elsewhere. But any kitchen can become an ecosystem. If you bake a lot, your kitchen will become a happy home to wild yeasts, and all your bread will taste better. Even a failed loaf is not wasted. Likewise, cheese makers wash the dairy floor with whey. Tomato gardeners compost with rotten tomatoes. No writing is wasted: the words you can’t put in your book can wash the floor, live in the soil, lurk around in the air. They will make the next words better." —Erin Bow

"You’ll be fine. Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay even if you don’t feel okay all the time."

"The sun is perfect and you woke this morning. You have enough language in your mouth to be understood. You have a name, and someone wants to call it. Five fingers on your hand and someone wants to hold it. If we just start there, every beautiful thing that has and will ever exist is possible. If we start there, everything, for a moment, is right in the world." —Warsan Shire  

"If you know yourself, you’ll not be harmed by what is said about you." —Arab proverb 

Blognote #16: {07/29/2014}

I have just sixteen days left before I settle in at my dorm and I am a bundle of nerves and excitement. I think I will most likely be settling in there on my own, since my mother will be busy with a convention in Cebu, and right now I'm just hoping that I'll be all right without my mother's supervision. There is a probability that my room is haunted but the whole dorm is notorious for its creepy stories and the students' alarming (and eerie) encounters inside its walls which has led me to the wise decision that I am never taking a shower or going to the communal bathroom/restroom all alone. I'll be living with three roommates plus I'm right next to Kathleen's room (she's Room 28 and I'm Room 29) and Anne Mary's and Manuela's rooms are also located in the same wing as ours so I have that to be grateful for. I've also started segregating my clothes and I think I might have underestimated the amount of shirts and jeans that I have bought because I think I'm going to have a hard time fitting them all in just one suitcase and a knapsack along with the other necessities I have to bring with me. I'll go back home after three weeks though so I think I'll just bring enough for the amount of time in between.

On another note, I spent last Friday night with Julienne & Janina! Moreover, I also went to Gourmandz to celebrate Anne Mary's 17th birthday and afterwards, we had a sleepover at her house!! (≧◡≦) 

I met up with these two cuties at Starbucks

Forever using Jongin's stage name when ordering drinks because:

1. I'm too lazy to spell out my name and

2. I really really like it when they call his name and I'm the one who stands up to get my drink under his name ... MUCH DELUSIONAL I know (✿◠‿◠)

3. This is irrelevant but I'm just gonna confess right now that I buy most of my wallets from the children's section in department stores because JUST LOOK AT THAT CUTE TOTORO WALLET

More photos under the cut!

words dump

there is always an overwhelming urge to delete all my blogs and erase myself from everyone's browser history and find out who will care enough to remember. if all my words really do leave an imprint or an impact and if i really do change lives because maybe i'm just too naive to see the difference. a few months from now, i don't think i will be the chryss that everyone knows at the moment. or at least, who you think i am. i am constantly changing, trying to make myself better but maybe somewhere along the way, making myself worse. i don't know how to write without sounding like i'm an accident waiting to happen but i know where my heart lies most of the time. but maybe come october, i will no longer know the path that leads to where i truly wanna go and i end up writing poems about wanting to be safe, about wanting to stay inside comfort zones where i have no trouble breathing but the air is a recycled mess of oxygen used up and gone to waste. and i'm pretty sure my priorities will change, how i see the world will change, how i talk to people will change and maybe there are some things that will stay -- like the way i spend so much time taking showers and how i never know how to keep my things tidy because my mind is always a messy place -- but at the end of the day, i'm really scared about losing myself and forgetting who i once was and not being able to remember the things that matter right now. it's all a part of life, a way of the universe, entropy working its magic with its lack of predictability but it's scary to think about. i've always had some sort of trouble one way or another with letting go because sometimes i care too much that it hurts and this is something i've spent nights thinking about and never having anyone to talk to about them. this is the result.

Five-minute word vomit. You have been warned.

personal reminders:

1. Just a few more weeks and you'll be getting what you've been asking for these past few months. Just a few more weeks and it will be the end of an era, but the start of a new one. Cherish what little time you have left and consider it like something fragile and easily breakable, something so precious that can be dismantled when not handled with care.
2. They say that it's okay to make better mistakes. 
3. Do not be so worried about your imperfections because the people who truly matter will accept you and your flaws because they see something that other people don't. Because there is always beauty jutting out from even the darkest corners of the earth and there will always be beauty in every single person in this world and that includes you.
4. Laugh more freely, smile a little wider. Your mother always said that you're at your prettiest when you show your teeth to the world and your eyes turn into tiny half-moons. Mothers (sometimes) know best.
5. I think it's time to share some of your poems again. You've been laying low for so long, let your words breathe again. They've grown quite restless.

Survey + Ask box open for vlog questions!

I love surveys, please forgive me for dumping them here. Also, there's only one month left before I'm moving to my dorm and I can't decide which one I'm in right now: aaaaaaaaahhhh I can't wait!!! or aaaaaaaaaahhh no I don't want to leave yet!!! Also, I think I might do a video blog again (ahrhr) so if you have any questions, please feel free to send them to my ask box! Please tag them with #vlog so I don't get confused~ And I think I'm limiting myself to 5 questions only because I tend to ramble and I'll only be accepting questions until Thursday morning! But if I don't reach 5 questions by that time, then I don't think I'll be making the video blog ^^

On another note, my boy Kyungsoo attended the press conference for the upcoming drama "It's Okay, It's Love" where he plays the role of an aspiring writer who's also a fanboy of the character Jo In Sung's playing. I was watching the live stream of the press con and bless the internet connection because for the first time in a long time, I managed to watch a stream in 480p quality without it lagging. BLESSINGS. And of course, Kyungsoo was precious as always and he was so fucking adorable in the extended trailer. I think I'm going to need a piece of my sanity back though because I was making really weird noises that I didn't know I was capable of making when I was watching him.

Anyway, survey under the breakthrough!

This is me with fandom: 7 years!!!

So let this post be my obligatory 7th year anniversary exclamation because I still can't believe I'm lasting this long in the Korean pop fandom. I know I'm nowhere near fading away from the world of pretty boys and catchy music (that I'll rightfully admit I don't understand the lyrics to unless I search them up and find adequate English translations) so here's to more years to come! And more pretty boys!!

To start this post, I would like to quote myself from two years back when I also did one of these to celebrate my 5 years in the kpop fandom. It's been two years since then but what I'd written still hits home: "The Korean music industry has served as much of a therapy as it is a source of entertainment to me. Through ups and downs, personal struggles, family problems, and other kinds of emotional bullshit - Kpop has kept me grounded and is one of the main reasons why I’m kind of happy and living and breathing right now. At the risk of sounding cheesy but my love for Korean music and the culture itself runs deeper than anything else outside the boundaries of family and friendship (because family and friends will always be #1). I need it to breathe and I need it to live." (if you want to read the rest of the post, just click here)

I'll admit, being a kpop fan for this long has not been a walk through the park. I've had my fair share of being ridiculed for liking something that doesn't exactly fit the definition of norm here in the country I live in but I think hearing people insult the groups that I love hurt more than the jokes I had to endure. I know better than to take them as personal attacks but when I'm passionate about something and it gets treated with contempt, I get easily riled up. I usually keep my annoyance to myself though, letting go of unwanted emotions because I know not everybody feels and thinks the same way that I do.

a few things:

• I would like to take this opportunity to inform everyone that since last week, there's been (and up to now) a problem with my Tumblr account. I am unable to reblog/post things the normal way, I even had to go as far as downloading X-Kit (an extension for Chrome) just so I'd be able to reblog and queue things to keep my main blog alive. However, I still can't post anything which would explain the lack of new posts on my sleepyteas blog. Unfortunately, I am also unable to reply to the messages that are piling up in my tumblr inbox. I am so sorry but if any of you have sent me messages both on tea-with-tablo and sleepyteas, please don't think that I am ignoring you. I am currently trying my best to solve this problem. I have contacted Tumblr Support multiple times already but they haven't replied back to any of my emails which is making me a bit annoyed and if by next week, I am still encountering issues, I think I'm going to make separate blogs so that I can answer your messages and hopefully keep sleepyteas alive.
• Oh, Tumblr, what did I ever do to you? /sighs
• On another note, it's been raining for the past two weeks and my side of the world is cold and gray and wonderful. Naps come easier because of the weather and I end up wearing my pajamas all day long. If this is going to be my version of summer weather every year ... yay I thank the heavens.

words dump

around two weeks ago, i stopped my bad habit of biting on my fingernails and i showed my fourteen days of resistance to my mother this afternoon when we were trying to find birthday gifts for both our friends. she looked at them and began to kiss each fingernail like they were something more precious than dead parts of my body. i find myself sitting somewhere in the children's shoes section every time my mother decides to look for a new pair of sandals or a new bag to add to her always growing collection. i plop myself on a cushioned bench and read stories on my phone, the voices of little kids and their mothers serving as not so faint background sounds that i try to ignore. i focus on the words on my phone, words that aren't my own and will never be mine but make me feel like i belong. it's nice, really. i get lost in my own little world, or in other worlds outside the current one i'm in. 

my brother and his fiancee are perfect for each other, they're such a silly couple and i would find their relationship hilarious if i didn't know better, if i didn't know how much they loved each other. to the ends of the earth maybe. or i think a little bit farther. yup, farther than my heart can take. they are filled with sweet things and sweet nothings and sweet everythings. they are just right and not enough and more than what i have to say. 

i saw natasha today, the first time since april when i stumbled upon her at mcdonald's lacson, back when my hair was shorter and i haven't shed layers of my skin yet. back when i still had so much to learn and so much to go through. i heard her call my name before i got to see her face and she is still the same bundle of soft-spoken energy and crescent-shaped eyes. when i wrapped her in a hug, i realized how much i've missed her. and i will continue to miss her because i know that we will be far away from each other, no longer just a seat apart unlike in junior year when we would trade listening to our math teacher in exchange for talking about pretty korean boys and how much we adore them. 

i miss a lot of people. i've been saying this over and over again but i think it's something that i will never get over until i have actually moved forward in my life. and even if i get to step out of my comfort zone and finally get to embrace the new life that's waiting for me, i will still miss a lot of people. 

i will always. they remain. 

I'm back with another survey!!! I really enjoy these kinds of things so forgive me if I dump them all here because you know, that's what I usually do - just dump everything in this blog ;____;

On another note, my brother and I headed over to 31 Korea last Sunday night because we wanted ice cream after dinner. When we paid for our Melona bars at the counter, I found out that they were selling some EXO ballers and I had my eye on the Kyungsoo baller that was right on top of the pile. It was also the only one left of its design and I badly wanted it but unfortunately, the both of us only had enough money for ice cream and I wasn't about to ask money from my mother for fandom merch. I guess I really looked sad and wistful (and maybe pitiful) because my brother went back to the Korean resto last night after his classes even though it's terribly out of his way and got me the baller! At first, he admitted that he freaked out a little bit because there were a lot of EXO ballers with the different members' names on them and he was worried about getting the wrong one (imagine if he got Sehun's OTL) but then he said it was a good thing he remembered that I have a "TEAM D.O" banner taped on my bedroom wall. 

I aggressively attacked him with hugs and tears because he's really thoughtful and sweet ; u ;

Anyway, survey under the breakthrough! ^^

Blognote # 15: {06/23/14}

Hello, everyone~

How is school? I hope you're all doing great and that you're learning lots of new things and meeting new people! I'm still enjoying my summer but I would seriously give a huge chunk of all the free time that I have right now to those who are currently loaded with schoolwork and assignments if I could! Having this much free time should be a crime, I honestly do not know what to do with my life right now.

Also, I know that fandom's not really doing well at the moment but I'm trying to stay away from all the negativity. I refuse to let my source of happiness become a source of distress ^^ Also, our yearbook's out! I actually got mine last Wednesday and had lunch over at St. Scho with some of my friends~

(massive thank you to Anya for this photo and for the EXO poster!!! ^^)

On another note, yesterday was the baptism and 1st birthday party of my lovely baby niece, Bella, and I've got more photos under the breakthrough!

we all matched lol (it was unplanned!)

This is me with fandom: BaekYeon woes

Okay, so I just realized that I sound like an emotionless prick in my last post regarding the issue of Baekhyun and Taeyeon dating, and I'd really like to clarify some things for my own sake (mostly for the sake of my sanity because I have a lot of feelings bottled up inside me and I think I'm going to explode if I don't let them out). I know my stand on the issue isn't important so I'm going to put up a fair warning that you are not inclined to read about what I have to say. The things under this cut are my own feelings and thoughts regarding the matter and I would like you to respect them as much as I am willing to respect yours.

Here I am, back with another survey because I don't really know what to blog about since nothing interesting's really happening with my life right now (unless you count watching Korean variety shows and lounging around on bed all day eating junk food interesting, then maybe I'm living the rock 'n' roll life /sobs). There's something I really like about answering surveys because oftentimes, I discover some things about myself that I didn't know existed. Or maybe I'm just really bored. I think it's more of the latter.

TEN FACTS

► Name ➔ Chryss

► Birth place ➔ Philippines

► Hair color➔ black

► Eye Color ➔ dark brown (really dark brown)

► Birthday ➔ May 3

► Gender ➔ Female

► Lefty or Righty ➔ Righty

► Single or taken? ➔ Single but my heart is taken by my biases (ew Chryss, you're gross)

► Happy? ➔ yeah, to a certain extent. or maybe i'm just contented with my life at the moment, which is sometimes better than being happy. contentment is all i really ask for

I guess I'm going to be quite busy with Notepad for the next two months, seeing as I love all three prompts that I was given for the KaiSoo fic exchange and I don't know which one to choose. Technically, we're only supposed to pick one prompt and write a fic based off the one we've chosen but I just can't make up my mind (!!!) so I've decided that I'm going to write all three and just choose the one that I think would be worthy enough for fandom. I am also writing three other fics that I've been working on for the past week but I think I'll put them on hold because I need to focus on the fic exchange first. I don't know how I went from just reading fics to actually writing them but I've wanted to write things for the fandom for a long time now, I just couldn't muster enough confidence and motivation (because there are so many brilliant fic writers out there and I'm just little me). When I heard news about Kaisoommer, I instantly signed up thinking it would do me some good but when I received their message earlier this morning regarding my assignment, I got a bit anxious and not to mention incredibly insecure. But then I opened their message and read the prompts I was given and the uncomfortable feelings were replaced with excitement! Now, I just wish I can make my recipient happy and that I can give enough justice to the prompts that he/she requested. Also, I am extremely excited to read the fic that's going to be written for me!!! 

On a related note, I'm currently looking for a beta, is anyone interested? Please head over to my askbox and send me a message un-anonymously if you're willing to endure my constant whining and insanity. Fair warning though, I can get a little bit ... um, crazy. But rest assured that I will welcome you with the warmest of virtual hugs and I will be eternally grateful for your help ^^

So this is like a somewhat lengthy (read: messy) overview of what happened while I was away doing college errands. It was an eventful four days for me and I'm posting in bullets because I can't trust myself to be coherent when it comes to these kinds of things. I hope you don't mind. This is actually very long and might bore you but I had fun while writing this and if you're interested to know the things that happened, please do read~

May 31, 2014

• My mother and I woke up at 3 a.m because we were taking the first trip to Ilo-ilo which was scheduled at 6 a.m. Since we live an hour away from the pier and we were supposed to check in an hour before the departure, it was necessary that we were up and ready long before the break of dawn. 
• When we arrived at the pier, we had the terrible misfortune of finding out that our trip got cancelled so after asking for a refund from Supercat, my mother and I were in near hysterics. The Parents' Orientation was going to start at 8:30 and the next trip was scheduled at 9. Good thing we bumped into Anne Mary's and Kathleen's parents so we were able to buy tickets from Ocean Jet instead. We were right on schedule.
• Upon arriving at the Ilo-ilo pier, it was only close to 7:30 so the adults decided that we should have breakfast first. The Parents' Orientation was going to be held at the UP Ilo-ilo City Campus instead of Miagao so we were able to have a quick breakfast at the Jollibee situated right in front of the university. Sometime when I was trying to finish my spaghetti, Leanne texted me that the orientation was already starting so we all filed into Kathleen's dad's car and drove to the venue.
• When we got there, I got to say hi to a handful of friends that I got to meet during my frequent visits to Miagao in the past. We were a bit late so I ended up standing during 3/4 of the orientation (which lasted for around 3 hours I think but we left early around 11:30 so I can't be too sure) because there was only one chair available and I offered it to my mother. I can't really say the orientation was interesting, I spent most of it staring off into space.
• After the orientation, we drove all the way to Miagao. I spent most of the hour and a half car ride sleeping but when we arrived at Balay Lampirong (the dormitory where Anne Mary and Kathleen were staying for the Summer Bridge Program), I instantly woke up and hugged them because I missed the both of them so much ;_____; They introduced me to some of the new friends they'd made during their two weeks stay there and it was mostly awkward at first (but boy the next few days were anything but awkward!!!).
• We drove back to Ilo-ilo City (road trip galore) and had lunch there at SM. After lunch, we went our separate ways. Mom and I headed to the hotel to check in then we trekked over to Robinsons and had dinner there plus Mom bought a shitload of bags and wallets on the insistence that "You can't find these back in Bacolod" thus we had to carry five shopping bags back to the hotel OTL
• I immediately slept upon reaching my bed because I was so darn tired.

Comm 1 - The development of advanced communication competence in English with emphasis on effective reading, writing and listening skills.

Soc Sci 1 - A survey of basic concepts, principles, theories and methods of the behavioral sciences: (Sociology, Psychology, Anthropology, including the behavioral components of Linguistics, Demography and Geography) and the dynamics of social change.

Soc Sci 2 - A survey of social, economic, and political thinkers from the classical to contemporary times.

Math 1 - A survey of the essential concepts and applications of mathematics from a historical perspective.

Math 11 - Linear equations; algebraic and graphical solutions of the quadratic equations; exponents and radicals; complex numbers; binomial expansions; determinants; progressions; theory of equations. 

PE 1 -  A course required of all college freshmen for one semester, to acquaint them of the benefits derived from regular physical activities as well as to enable them to design their own personal fitness programs.

05/30/2014

Today was a really good day. Woke up at around 7 a.m and lounged around on my bed reading fics until 9 a.m when I had to get up and prepare for a day out with friends. We had lunch at Shakey's, roamed around the mall (Janina's surprise appearance had me letting out ugly sobbing sounds), and then we watched Maleficent (which I really enjoyed by the way, I couldn't help but clap once the credits rolled in). Today also served as a mini-farewell because most of us are parting ways and aside from those who are going to be attending UP and UST, college is starting very very soon. It was especially sad when I hugged Joy goodbye. I won't be seeing her until October, or maybe even December, because of the clash in our academic calendars. But she was the one who cried while I held in my tears when we hugged each other goodbye. JOYJOY I'M GONNA MISS YOUUUU! Have a safe flight and take care of yourself, please don't get lost. Please.

Also, I will be away until Tuesday because I have enrollment and a psychological testing. I'm going to be very busy and probably won't have time to go online. This serves as a sort of goodbye. But until Tuesday only! 

Peace out~

idk what this is supposed to be

In which Francine is adorable, Joy wants to stab you with a fork, I don't know what I'm doing, and Esai is the star of this video. I seriously don't know what this is.

a few things:

• Concert day concert day today is CONCERT DAY!!!
• Jfc I've been chanting that ever since the moment I woke up this morning that it's getting a bit ridiculous but I'm just so excited??? Like even if I don't get to attend the concert itself, I'm so happy that the boys will get to fulfill one of their dreams and I want them to bask in the glory that they rightfully deserve after all the years of vigorous training and hard work. 
• And also, I am incredibly excited at the prospect of the members cross-dressing. IT'S INITIATION NIGHT, MY LOVELY BOYS. I bet all your sunbaes know your pain.
• I had a mini breakdown yesterday when I found out that MPST is releasing a photo book. I was thisclose to ordering Hyperbeat (because I have the misfortune of liking a certain Oh Sehun's facial features ugh smh) last year when I still had the money but I promised myself that I was going to wait for MPST because I'm biased and holy cow have you seen MPST's photos and videos? ART, I TELL YOU. FREAKING MASTERPIECES THEY MAKE ME CRY. But it just so happens that I am broke(n) right now and MSPT's photo book is probably the most expensive I've come across so far (Hyperbeat's was only around 2.2k, that's 1k less than MPST's why is the world so cruel /sobs).
• And then you know on Twitter, I came across a photo of the Overdose clearfile folders that SM's currently selling and I want the Kai and Kyungsoo folders so bad I even went around to searching up PH group orders and found out that they were all closed already. But I'm a masochist so I still went around converting the prices and it turns out that each clearfile folder costs 400 pesos. 400 pesos for a single clearfile folder HAHAHAHAHA SM, I DO NOT REEK OF MONEY ;__________;