Ode to the beautiful broken ballerino

to the boy with the sunshine smile

and feather-light feet

who turns and pirouettes with every single heartbeat.

you've got me weak on the knees,

my lungs feel like collapsing

but i don't mind the way

that you take my breath away.

when you said you wanted to dance,

what did the world have in store?

bright lights and adoring fans,

are these what you asked for?

but whatever path that has led you to me,

i'm thankful that it has made me see -

see you in your beautiful form

of grace and of passion,

of silly bubbling laughter,

of warmth and of the most powerful emotion.

(tell me, is it love?)

but it's okay, dream boy.

i do not deserve an explanation.

---

inspired by the video above and this article. 

a few things:

• Concert day concert day today is CONCERT DAY!!!
• Jfc I've been chanting that ever since the moment I woke up this morning that it's getting a bit ridiculous but I'm just so excited??? Like even if I don't get to attend the concert itself, I'm so happy that the boys will get to fulfill one of their dreams and I want them to bask in the glory that they rightfully deserve after all the years of vigorous training and hard work. 
• And also, I am incredibly excited at the prospect of the members cross-dressing. IT'S INITIATION NIGHT, MY LOVELY BOYS. I bet all your sunbaes know your pain.
• I had a mini breakdown yesterday when I found out that MPST is releasing a photo book. I was thisclose to ordering Hyperbeat (because I have the misfortune of liking a certain Oh Sehun's facial features ugh smh) last year when I still had the money but I promised myself that I was going to wait for MPST because I'm biased and holy cow have you seen MPST's photos and videos? ART, I TELL YOU. FREAKING MASTERPIECES THEY MAKE ME CRY. But it just so happens that I am broke(n) right now and MSPT's photo book is probably the most expensive I've come across so far (Hyperbeat's was only around 2.2k, that's 1k less than MPST's why is the world so cruel /sobs).
• And then you know on Twitter, I came across a photo of the Overdose clearfile folders that SM's currently selling and I want the Kai and Kyungsoo folders so bad I even went around to searching up PH group orders and found out that they were all closed already. But I'm a masochist so I still went around converting the prices and it turns out that each clearfile folder costs 400 pesos. 400 pesos for a single clearfile folder HAHAHAHAHA SM, I DO NOT REEK OF MONEY ;__________;

bc I'm having Jongin feelings, I wrote a little something

It starts in the way Jongin breathes. Every inhale and every exhale and I think he's beautiful in the way he just exists. Even the odd-scented mix of cigarettes and old books that I think stains the fabric of his skin has my mind reeling in a thousand different directions. Next is in the way he dances. Every fluid movement and every powerful turn strum my heartstrings and produce a melody I can't quite pinpoint but it almost sounds like the fluttering of butterfly wings. Fleeting, soft, and achingly beautiful. Another is in the way he shows happiness. Crescent-shaped eyes and a smile that could battle the majesty of the stars, laughter so rich and delicious that I could wrap it up in a burrito  and eat it raw. Last is in the way he brings passion to the stage. He is a powerhouse filled with so much energy that I feel weak in the knees every time he performs like he was born to be admired by the world. He belongs to the stage and he belongs to the wild cheers and the flickering silver ocean. But sadly, he does not belong with me.

"EXO's Showtime" pilot episode soars high into the sky

*I'm sorry for the lame title but I. Just. HAD. TO.

This show is just all kinds and forms and sorts of second-hand embarrassment. I love it.

All thoughts in bullets form because I felt like shooting myself while watching it wow okay and also because  it's easier which just proves that I am a lazy ass with a lot of feelings.

vlog #5: 15 minutes of Oh Sehun (15 minutes of shame)

So I'm probably going to regret this but #yolo. Also, his hair's back to fucking rainbow and it inspired me this morning (lolwhat). This is 15 minutes of me trying to put my feelings into words and considerably failing. Speech is a little bit delayed but it gets better once you hit the 4-minute mark. 

I already apologize in advance for the secondhand embarrassment that this video might cause you. 

And I'm just going to leave this here: "But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

Kpop Republic: Part Dos {EXO Edition}

I fail at writing fan accounts because they end up being insanely long so instead of just two parts, I'm splitting my whole Kpop Republic experience into three parts! Hooray!!! (or nay?)

Part Uno talked about my pre-concert experience, Part Dos talks a little about the opening acts and Dal Shabet but all in all, it's mainly EXO-centric. Part Tres will be all about SHINee.

Fair warning: This is 2.5k words worth of Chryss feelings. Read at your own risk, my love. In bullets form because I was incoherent and trying not to cry while writing this. Venture on now, little one.

Album Review #3: EXO's XOXO (Kiss Version)

So the general consensus is that Chanyeol should sing more, the amount of lines (or lack thereof) Sehun got was pitiful, and this is the best album to come out of SM Entertainment since SHINee's first full-length album entitled The SHINee World. XOXO actually gives me so much music nostalgia because a good amount of the songs have the same soft RnB sound and hip-hop that SHINee was known for during their early years as rookies. Basically, this was the korean pop that I fell in love and since I have so many feelings for the album, here's a personal track by track review.

Baby maknae Sehunnie cried.

Sehun cried.

SEHUN.

CRIED.

This is me with fandom: REACTION POST TO EXO'S WOLF MV TEASER

(with Japanese emoticons para mas intense)

For half an hour or so, I was busy refreshing SMTown's Youtube page because they had a private video and I was so fucking sure it was the MV teaser and I had been waiting since 9 am (it was close to 4 pm already) so call me desperate, call me insane, but it's been 426 days and I was ready to rot from all the waiting. AND THEN I SAW SCREENCAPS BEFORE THE TEASER WAS EVEN MADE PUBLIC AND I'M LIKE, "HOLY SHIT DID EXO FANS ACTUALLY HACK YOUTUBE??? (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ" Turns out they did. Oh, fandom, you are the human embodiment of insanity. But I digress. A few minutes after the screencaps spread around like wildfire, SM finally got their shit together and published the video and I was like YES YES YES FINALLY YES ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

And then all hell broke loose when I clicked play. I was so busy making ugly crying noises and then going all,

FYI: I DON'T HATE KAI (hey, that rhymes)

So this morning, I received a message on my qooh stating, "Don't hate Jongin.. Think about his passion.." and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or settle for both so I just kind of rolled around on my bed and let out a really deep sigh.

Guys.

Guys. 

GUYS.

In the midst of all the comeback teasers, I have become a mess on Twitter.

• "Surprise present for all EXO fans! we release a new teaser image :)"
• I HATE SURPRISES.
• Yesterday I woke up at a criminally early hour (*coughs*6 fucking AM*coughs*) just to prep myself for the teaser images that were going to be released at 10 AM KST which is 9 AM in my timezone but what do you know, they release it 45 minutes late!!! I was so fucking pissed but when the teasers were finally released, I kept on munching on my apple trying not to cry because feelings u_____u
• THEN TODAY I WOKE UP LATE AND THEY RELEASED THE TEASERS ON TIME. I WAS MAD I WENT ALL, "CRASH, DIE, BUUUUUURN" (see more of my meltdown here)
• NICE ONE SME, KEEP ON RELEASING THEM WHEN I'M ASLEEP.
• But this has got to be my favorite teaser pic so far.
• I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR BOYS IN PLAIN WHITE TEES AND SKINNY JEANS.
• ///NOOOOOOOO///
• They all look gorgeous, I think I'm going to go drown my sorrows in fresh milk.

Kim Heechul (plus lovely Heebum)

You know, there was a time when my life as a fangirl revolved around this beautiful man. Three years, to be exact. He was my first ever kpop bias and we always hold special places in our hearts for our first biases, don't we? Well, I am no exception.

I became a korean pop fan on his 24th birthday (July 10, 2007). There was a birthday party in our house thrown in his honor by my sister and her friends and they were watching music videos and singing songs in a language I wasn't familiar with. Because I grew up following my sister's interests (e.g. anime, asian dramas, japanese pop music) and liking whatever she liked, I was curious and fascinated by what they were watching. It seemed to be a huge group of pretty boys dancing on sync to catchy pop music and when I sat next to them and glued my eyes to the screen, that was it. I was transfixed, I was more than interested, I was falling into the Kpop black hole. And I haven't looked back ever since.

#365DaysWithEXO

Before anything else, if you expect this to be the usual sappy anniversary posts that I make for SHINee...then I am terribly sorry because this post is going to be a bit crack-ish because those twelve idiots ruined not only my bias list, but also my life in general so I'm not going to go all cheeseballs on them. Thus, this post.

Warning: Extremely incoherent and very long.

Yes, this deserves its own blog post

Warning: Incoherent post

So last night I had a dream with Jino in it so I woke up this morning with a boatload of Jino feelings and I started whining again about why SM Entertainment keeps on hiding my precious little munchkin because I have been painfully waiting for two years for them let Jino out of their dungeon (Sehun's graduation does not count). I mean, I JUST WANT TO HEAR HIM SING AGAIN. Jino has one of my favorite voices in the Korean pop industry (can I still call S.M. The Ballad a kpop group even when all they sing are ballads?...yes, I can) because it's so warm and rich and it's like hot chocolate in your ears. I don't even know what I'm saying at the moment because I'm sort of rambling all my feelings out but yeah, I have major serious issues with SM when it comes to my little munchkin. I mean, I WAS FUMING WITH ANGER AND ABSOLUTE LOATHING TOWARDS EXO WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT HE WASN'T IN THE LINE-UP. About 70% of my interest in the group went out the door when I couldn't find Jino in their official teaser pictures and I guess that's the main reason why I harbored so much hate on EXO last year (but haha, look at me now, they're my laptop's and phone's wallpapers ////sob////)

This is me with fandom: SHINee's Back

Oh, come on, this one's inevitable. Of course you saw this post coming. In fact, this is two weeks too late.

Well, in the aftermath of all the Dream Girl promotions, I am still well and alive but to be honest, I haven't been that too keen on their comeback promotions because majority of it happened during Prom week and I've also been too caught up with schoolwork the past few weeks to pay much attention. I think I've only seen three (only three!!!) live stage performances and they all did pretty good but that's to be expected already. I mean if there's one thing you're sure you'll get from SHINee, it's competent, strong live performances.

This is me with fandom: It feels like Hello Baby all over again

So I've just finished watching the pilot episode of SHINee's Wonderful Day and I've got a plethora of emotions and feelings inside me. First of all, I've been missing my precious ot5 for the past few months that when I heard they had a new reality show, I was so fucking happy and I could barely contain my excitement. This was just what I needed since I've been having serious SHINee withdrawals ever since EXO came along with their pretty and dumb faces but this post is not going to be about ot12, it's going to be about my irreplaceable ot5 (fair warning: it's a bit all over the place).

SHINee is so active this month I can almost cry with happiness. Aside from the full album comeback, there's Wonderful Day to look forward to (english subs pleaseu pali pali) and I am so fucking excited because it's been ages since the five boys got to have a show of their own. Ten wonderful episodes, hurraaaah!

All my shawol feels are coming back, this feels fucking grrreat. Sorry, EXO but my one true home is the SHINee fandom. You don't know how relieved I feel right now, being so giddy and excited for everything that's to unfold. I just hope I'll still be sane come February 19.

I am a happy bunny.

In which I ramble...

Mom just bought me a new handy-dandy laptop to replace my ancient one that got broken a few months ago. I was really sad when it bid me farewell because I had a lot of files stored in it and it's been with me since the 4th grade but then again, that ancient laptop won't even connect to the internet. This new one's a bit small but I like it just fine and I can finally (hopefully) write fan fiction again and I can watch variety shows and live performances in the comforts of my room because the PC is in the living room and anybody can see what I'm up to whenever I'm on the computer. Hooray for having high grades if this is what I get in return. 

ಠ_ಠ

So tonight, I originally planned on making a post about my Super Show 2 experience to battle my not-going-to-the-concert depression but I've decided to put that on hold for tomorrow night and I want to talk about Kai's incident at the Incheon Airport instead. First of all, IT IS NOT THE FILIPINO FANS' FAULT. I was kind of enraged when people kept on putting the blame on us when we had nothing to do with it to be honest. It didn't occur in NAIA so before you go on judging us Filipino fans, get your facts straight first.

But I digress.

I remember telling him indirectly to take care of his waist on that birthday post a couple of days ago and then just five days later, he gets into an accident. I've been screaming internally for the past few minutes because as his fans, you guys are supposed to take care of him, not push him around like he's a little rag doll. I understand you love him to bits, I feel the same way, but respect his fucking space for fuck's sake.

You like seeing that look on his face? Do you?