Words of a teenage escapist.

it's such a shame how some of the best days give way to some of the worst.

this is just going to be a five-minute word vomit, you have been warned.

i try so hard. so fucking hard to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good person but sometimes there are just things that get in the way and i'm left frustrated that i want to stop trying. i want to stop keeping the anger inside me and lash out no matter how much i'll hurt the person; even though my words are going to come out harsh and bitter. for once, i want the one to be able to inflict pain rather than the other way around because as much as i sound ridiculous at the moment, i'm always the one who ends up crying and just being fucking miserable. i want to be selfish right now, to let my emotions touch others in the same way that roses have thorns, i want my emotions to prick them until they feel what i feel - raw pain. the kind that starts from small things until they are suddenly not so small anymore. insignificant maybe, but not small. pointless maybe, but not small. because the feelings that are waging war inside me right now are anything but small. they are humongous, gigantic, and overwhelming that i can feel them engulfing me whole until all that's churning inside me right now is pent-up anger and misery and uncontrollable sadness. it is so difficult, hiding things from my family just because i know they will never understand. they always think they're right and they always wrap my feelings up in a package and ship it off to somewhere far away rather than tucking them gently in a suitcase and labeling it with "fragile, please handle with care" because i am constantly breaking and repairing myself just so i won't reach a point where i am anything but myself anymore. i am trying so hard to be strong. i am trying so hard to keep it all together. i am trying so hard not to hurt anyone. and i am getting sick and tired of trying.

all i really want right now is for someone to understand and to stop expecting so much from me.