This is probably irrelevant to you but I feel like spilling words lest I suffer a drought. I haven't been writing poems as of late. The last time I wrote one was around three weeks ago and it's still sitting on my notebook looking lifeless instead of sashaying around my blog, letting the words speak for what I feel spiraling inside me in ways that leave me unhinged during moments I let my guard down.
I had a really good day today, the kind that makes me feel warm inside and out until all I can feel in my stomach is laughter and all my eyes see is a spectrum of happiness brought about by the company of people who seem to know the right things to say to crack me up like eggshells until I am being fried on my tippy toes with burning sensations that make me feel the most alive that I've ever felt in the past few days, maybe even weeks (and wow I no longer know how to chop my sentences into half so that you can chew them properly rather than swallowing them whole i cry I'm apology my mind is a mess at the moment). This house is nothing but safe and suffocating. My mother hasn't been very good company as of late but I love her and I never want to bring her down. I dislike how I feel trapped and emotionally abused though and I am struggling to break free. No one knows what I'm going through at the moment and I prefer it that way because the last time I wanted to have a heartfelt conversation with someone, I got turned down and right now, I'm still trying to pick up the broken pieces of misused trust.
Bye, I gotta go write proofread my mother's essay for her job promotion. Wish the both of us the best of luck.
And
I still can't breathe properly whenever I'm around you. You know, the first thing my friends mentioned after not seeing me for more than a month was that I looked tired. They asked me if I cried last night and I just laughed it off. But damn it I would've lied if I said it wasn't your fault. I really fucking hate how you ruined such a beautiful day.
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