Emotional post headed your way.

I don't know how to deal with these feelings. These feelings of love for people I will probably never get to meet in real life, if all plans go wrong. These feelings of pure anxiety and yearning for them to come back. These feelings of hopelessness when I feel as if I can't do anything for them, except support them in the comforts of my own room, silently whispering the fan chants I've heard so many times from fortunate fangirls who are lucky enough to hear, see, and feel their presence in the flesh. These feelings of absolute endearment and adoration, to a certain extent that some would deem delusional and crazy and far-out already, some would even go to say that my obsession is becoming a little bit unhealthy. 

Some think I'm just joking and fooling around, while some think that this is just a phase I'll soon grow out of. Some think I'm stupid, while some think I'm just out of my mind. Some think I'm blinded by my outlandish love, while some think that I am just blinded in general.

It's more than that. My feelings run deeper than that. Feelings aren't just something you can toy around with, they're feelings and most of the time, feelings need to be freed out in the open. Feelings need to be acknowledged. Feelings need to be recognized. And feelings are not a phase.

And for these feelings that never seem to leave me, I love them and I hate them all the same. They make me feel like I'm somewhere between euphoria and great elation while other times, they make me drown in my lack of self-worth and apathy.

But one thing I do know is that I've changed for the better and for the worse. These boys have molded me into someone I can't understand but that makes it all the more worthwhile. I'm on this journey into understanding where I stand with my obsession and my feelings. I know that sometimes, we've got to stop over-analyzing things and just feel, but how can I do that when almost everybody I care about thinks I'm slowly drifting off into the loony bin?

Lest I actually do go mad, at least I knew how to feel and think and experience things at some point in my life. Although in my perspective, I still think I'm sane but sometimes, when you tip off of other people's definition of norm, they take and view you in an entirely new notion and vantage point.