3.20.2012

Happy Birthday/Death Anniversary.

It's my older sister's 18th birthday today, if she was still alive, that is. She passed away before she could even take her first breath of the world outside my mother's womb. She wasn't premature. Mom doesn't really like talking about it but I think the umbilical cord blocked her passage of breathing or something along those lines.

I just got home from the cemetery. Mom woke me up at around 7am earlier and told me to get dressed because we were going to offer flowers (roses, to be specific since it was her 18th birthday) and say prayers for Criska Marielle. To be honest, I wasn't so happy that she was telling me to get up at this painfully early hour but hey, if I could wake up at 6am for teaser pics, I could even wake up at 4 in the morning for my sister.

As I was riding in the car though, my thoughts drifted off into a new direction. I started wondering how things would be absolutely different if she had been born. For one, I wouldn't be here at all. I think my parents had already made it clear to themselves that they only wanted 4 children so if she had lived, I would've practically been non-existent. That alone is enough to send shivers down my spine.

Really though, this made me think deeper. Life is either a blessing or a curse. It's on how you choose to see it.

When we reached the cemetery, my thoughts surged even deeper, as if nothing could satisfy my thirst for thinking. I started telling my sister things. I told her that she was both lucky and unfortunate to have passed away. Lucky for she never got to experience the pain that this cruel and twisted world offered, lucky because she wasn't bombarded by our family's problems and struggles, lucky that she has found eternal rest.
But unfortunate for she never got to experience the little joys, unfortunate because she hasn't gotten to know her family, and unfortunate because she hasn't felt the hustle and bustle and satisfaction of the running world.

And as I picked up a stray dandelion and blew on it and watched its petals drift away, I felt a little joy spark within my soul.

Yes, life is worth living.

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