a few things:

• All of us are going to die. Some sooner than others, called the 'unfortunate' ones although it depends on your own preference. Some would rather live fast and die young. But it doesn't matter. Everything and everyone will die.
• Pain. Nothing but pain. Self-induced or not, I don't like this and I like this.
• School feels like a stupid dreamlike nightmare that slaps you in the face to wake up yet you can't. Cruel really. It gives you hope but it also gives you trepidation and pressure and anxiety and worry and you can't do anything because you're trapped within its bonds, unable and also unwilling to break free.
• Writing doesn't help as much as as it used to anymore. I really think I need moral support because I tend to seek motivation from inside yet all those days spent trying to fix things by myself are coming back to eat their way out.
• I have no one and no one has me. How incredibly lonely and how incredibly lovely to be incredibly lonely.
• I feel numb, frozen inside my own body. I'm breathing and thinking and blinking and speaking but it doesn't feel real.
• This general uncertainty about everything is getting caught up with my desire to feel actual happiness and I feel drained and tired and weary and deprived from lashing out and being myself.