This is me with fandom: from Kris back to Wu Yifan

Never in my 7 years in the Kpop fandom have I felt sadness as crippling as the one I feel right now. I am sad but I am also hurt, confused, and worried. Let me just lay it for you that for the past 24+ hours, my fandom has been in utter chaos. Rumors were being strewn everywhere and we didn't know what and who to believe in. It got to a point that I felt extreme frustration and disappointment in regards to how everyone was handling the situation, myself included. When something as big as news of a member filing a lawsuit against his company for contract nullification surfaces, mayhem is bound to happen. And the way the fandom took the news and played the blame game, pointed fingers, and basically jumped to conclusions without proper verification just made me realize how important it is to take everything with a grain of salt and wait for official statements.

I don't blame Tao for feeling betrayed. I don't blame the members for unfollowing Kris on Instagram. I don't blame Kris for wanting to leave. Heck, I don't even blame SM for what's happening right now. Maybe I'm going to sound like a bad fan but Kris probably knew what he was getting himself into when he joined SM and if he didn't, well then I guess he's reached his breaking point and wants out. And that's okay, it's perfectly fine that he wants to be treated differently as opposed to how the company has treated him all these years. I am just extremely worried for the rest of the members because I don't know how they're currently handling the situation and what's going to happen to them. The past two days have been a roller-coaster ride of emotions and I am still waiting for the dust to settle but I do have a few thoughts regarding the whole matter:

these photos speak to me {3}

Hues of Blue

I only had 2 hours of sleep last night but I survived the first day back at school without sleeping a wink in class, even during Chemistry.

Wow.

How?

Anyways, only got around 2 hours of sleep because I was hung-over this piece of beauty that is Kaisoo fanfiction at its finest. I read all 22k words during the earliest hours of the morning and couldn't get over it, thus me waking up deader than dead and wanting to destroy everything in my midst because I wanted precious, precious sleep but couldn't get any of it. But no regrets, just love because it was so fucking beautiful and I was so fucking mindfucked and I wanted to burn it to pieces too because character death makes me melt into a pile of mush.

First day back was fine but it could've been better. The clock in our classroom was busted which meant that the day went slower than it should've have and I kept glancing at the clock like an idiot, only to find out that it was still 8:45am in the fucking afternoon.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Duizhang!!! I stayed up late last night to greet you, be thankful because I get up at 5m every morning. Saranghae, wo ai ni, I love you yeah yeah all that shit. I hope you never change, bitchface~ Heartzzz ^3^