Never in my 7 years in the Kpop fandom have I felt sadness as crippling as the one I feel right now. I am sad but I am also hurt, confused, and worried. Let me just lay it for you that for the past 24+ hours, my fandom has been in utter chaos. Rumors were being strewn everywhere and we didn't know what and who to believe in. It got to a point that I felt extreme frustration and disappointment in regards to how everyone was handling the situation, myself included. When something as big as news of a member filing a lawsuit against his company for contract nullification surfaces, mayhem is bound to happen. And the way the fandom took the news and played the blame game, pointed fingers, and basically jumped to conclusions without proper verification just made me realize how important it is to take everything with a grain of salt and wait for official statements.
I don't blame Tao for feeling betrayed. I don't blame the members for unfollowing Kris on Instagram. I don't blame Kris for wanting to leave. Heck, I don't even blame SM for what's happening right now. Maybe I'm going to sound like a bad fan but Kris probably knew what he was getting himself into when he joined SM and if he didn't, well then I guess he's reached his breaking point and wants out. And that's okay, it's perfectly fine that he wants to be treated differently as opposed to how the company has treated him all these years. I am just extremely worried for the rest of the members because I don't know how they're currently handling the situation and what's going to happen to them. The past two days have been a roller-coaster ride of emotions and I am still waiting for the dust to settle but I do have a few thoughts regarding the whole matter:
- Last night, I was part of the people who wanted a revolution against SM but right now, I firmly believe that it was really Tao behind those posts and I really can't blame him for letting those things out. Poor kid must be really stressed right now preparing for the concert and to have one of his leaders leave him in this particular point in time must be devastating. And I think I can say the same for the rest of the members. Let's try putting ourselves in their place. We're all busy preparing for the night that we've dreamed of since our trainee days and practically everyone's on the brink of over-fatigue and exhaustion and then suddenly, one of your fellow members decides he's had enough of everything and wants to leave. Of course you'd feel betrayed. Of course you'd feel emotionally distraught. Of course you'd feel crushed. Kris leaving just a week shy from their first solo concert not only affects him and EXO, it affects everyone behind the concert and the fans themselves. The filmed VCRs, the formation and choreography, the fans who bought tickets in the hopes of seeing their bias - how does one fix this mess?
- People may think Kris is selfish for wanting what's best for only himself but I think it just proves he's human, like the rest of us. Also, maybe he was being unprofessional for doing this at such a crucial point in time with Overdose at the peak of promotions and the concert being so near but I've read that this has been planned for a very long time already. Of course, I'm not going to say that everything in this article is true, but it has answered a lot of questions that I've been dying to know the answers to.
- My biggest concern right now is how the damage that's been done is going to affect EXO and all their future promotions. They've only been in the industry for 2 years and I am so sad that something like this has happened to them when their careers have been going smoothly before things blew out of proportion. I'm pretty sure some members, if not most (if not all, actually) are pretty pissed right now because I honestly would be if I were in their shoes. I don't know what goes on behind the closed doors of SM and I understand that Kris couldn't probably take it anymore because everyone has their limits and he may have reached his breaking point, but what about the rest of the members who are still willing to try and who are still willing to undergo all the struggles for the sake of their dreams? Their future is a big question mark right now. I am especially worried for EXO-M, specifically the Chinese members.
- Does this mean I hate Kris for what he's done? No. Not at all. I respect his decision and his intention to leave. It's what he wants for himself and if he's willing to fight for what he wants, then good for him. I'm happy for him but I also can't help but feel a tinge of disappointment.
Despite everything, Wu Yifan, thank you. Thank you for the past two years filled with gummy smiles, ghetto English, and all the times you made me laugh with your silly antics. I've grown emotionally attached to you and your goofy personality and the thought of you leaving hurts me to the core. The past two days have been hard, trying to delude myself into thinking that everything was going to be fine despite the nightmare that was threatening to engulf me whole. But I really hope that you know what you're doing and that all the choices you're making right now won't turn into regrets. I wish you happiness and health and even though things seem dark right now, there will be brighter days. I don't know where your relationship with EXO will go from here but ... "We are one!" right? Right? ... /sighs
As for me, I've finally accepted the fact that Kris isn't coming back and even if he does, wouldn't it just make things worse? The damage has been done and it might be beyond repair. It's hard to swallow something I never wanted to eat in the first place but I knew these kinds of things were inevitable, I just didn't think it would happen this soon. It came as a shock to everybody.
To my fellow fans, I think it's best to let go and move on. It's the only way we can move forward as a fandom and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? I know things will never be the same but if we continue to support EXO while also supporting Kris in his own endeavors, then we can prove ourselves worthy of being recognized as the fandom who got back up when they felt their galaxy crumble down.
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