i'm alive but barely. the last few days have been filled with nothing but exhaustion and stress and not so much rest. i'm on the brink of giving up but i can't. and i don't want to. the exo fanmeeting is eating me alive. i want to go i want to go i want to go. there's only a slim chance though. but i'm hanging on to hope even though it feels like ripping at the seams. how to persuade my mother? help. my old nanny came to visit again today. god i missed her so much and her cooking. i love her so much, she's the best. yearbook editor in chief duties are also slowly but surely creating acid in my stomach. i have a reliable staff to back me up though and i'm so grateful. i'd be more of a mess without them. i can do this i can do this i can do this. we all can. there's officially 7 and a half days left before the 4th quarter exams, before my last ever exams in st. scho. everything feels weird, like the way ants crawled up my knees last night while i ate brownies and drank coke by the sea with my mother's side of the family, the wind whipping against my face and sand dust things gathering against the rim of my glasses. i don't know how to properly hold a baby but she looked comfortable in my arms and i loved the warmth she was radiating to me. dearie, i am so tired. so incredibly tired, like the world is going to end. it's not though, we are still suffering. we are still fighting for survival. we are still functioning as human beings. we are still here.
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