This one's for the girl I've spent nine long years with (and counting). She's the salt to my pepper and she is sugar and spice and everything nice (although not really) ((love you, bitch)) (((you're the only bitch I love this much))).
All jokes aside, I love today's birthday girl the entire Pacific Ocean and a few teardrops more. Back in elementary, it had always been me and her against the world. We were shoelaces, knots of a pretzel, crosses of hearts and hopes of dying. Pinky promises sealed oaths and screams of "Together forever and never apart!" came from naive lips that didn't know what High School tasted like and what it held in store. Our fingers are a lot bigger now (although mine not so much) and they don't hold on to each other as much as they did before but some corners of my heart still have you tucked in the most tender parts.
Janina, your presence is still a comfort despite all the reasons for me to feel hurt and left behind. Your smile still makes my lips tug upward because seeing you happy (even if you're with other people) is already enough. Your sadness and your tired eyes worry me to no end even though I know you're strong. I've always been awkward when it comes to comforting people because I can't even comfort myself but that doesn't mean I don't care. I always care and I always will.
I am so sorry. For everything. For what's happened to us. For what could've happened if we stopped trying. I am so thankful though, so thankful for your existence, so thankful for the friendship, so thankful for what we have. I know we're not the kind of best friends who tell each other everything but what matters to me is that we trust each other, maybe not enough, but at least we do. Now, that's enough for me.
I love you and I feel like I don't tell you that when it matters most. I really do though. I really really do. You're one of the prettiest girls I know but inside, you're fucking beautiful. You are understanding and thoughtful and you always seem to know the right things to say when I can't even muster up the courage to let all the words out. It pains me sometimes when you take yourself for granted and you feel like you're not worth it because you're not a bargain nor a steal, you are worth every damn penny.
A lot of things have certainly changed. Sometimes I look at you and I see a stranger but underneath the gorgeous sixteen-year old who's grown when I've just been watching quietly from the sidelines, I still see the same girl I used to tease for liking pink so much when I absolutely detested it, I still see the same girl who was once shorter than me (to hell with your genes), I still see the same girl who knew my silly little secrets. I still see the same girl whom I never stopped loving.
And I meant everything in the poem I wrote you. Every. Single. Thing.
Happy Birthday ♡
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