Words of a teenage escapist.

the lost can be lost together.

Jongtae (slight Jongkey); pg; fluff; 2700 words

a/n: Wrote this during summer last year. I don't even know.

 

2 in the earliest hours of the morning and Jonghyun is still wandering the streets of Seoul, his guitar strapped against his shoulder and bouncing along to the rhythm of his mismatched steps, his boots making soft echoes against the pavement that only the ghosts of Korea’s past can hear in the lingering voices of the night.

After being rejected for the 5^th time this week, he reckons he’s had enough. Enough of the city, enough of rejections, enough of going after that pointless dream. He’d given up everything. His home in the country, his parents’ trust, his friends, his college degree, his future as the heir to his father’s small but stable business, practically everything in his past life, just so he could fulfill his lifelong goal as a musician, an artist, someone who could inspire and move people through music. He was passionate, damn right he was. But sometimes, passion’s not enough after all.

 Everything hurts, he thinks to himself as he scuffs the ground with his faded, beaten up shoe. His stomach grumbles and he remembers that he hasn’t eaten anything since that cheap ramyun from the underground noodle shop he bought with the last of his meager savings. Good thing tomorrow was payday or else, he wouldn’t know how to survive.

After aimlessly walking for another hour or so, his mind filled with thoughts but his heart sunken and his stomach empty, he makes good decision to head back to his apartment. He tells his stomach to shut up, there will be food tomorrow, and walks as fast as he can to the grubby building located near the outskirts of Seoul. It was dangerous out here, with some of Seoul’s most notorious lurking behind the shadows, but it was the only place he could afford and as dodgy and unsafe as it may be, Jonghyun called it home.

He opens the door to his apartment and turns on the faint light, setting his guitar gently on the rough, wooden floor. It was his most prized possession and he couldn’t even bear to see a single scratch on it.

He takes a quick shower just to freshen himself up, the cold water hitting his face like ice pellets, making everything else seem even harder for him. Of course there wouldn’t be any hot water. He’s lucky enough to take a shower.

He changes to his worn-out pajamas and settles himself comfortably on his bed. He looks around the apartment, nothing but a table, two chairs, a sink, a cupboard, and the lonely washed-out suitcase he’d filled with clothes and money nearly 5 months ago. No fridge, no TV, not even a window. Somehow, the scene makes his chest feel heavier than ever and he remembers the time when he still had everything he needed and so much more. Right now, he’s thankful he has a roof on his head.

Jonghyun sighs to himself and hopes that things will get better from here. It has to.

^^

He wakes up at 6:30 the next morning and the lack of sleep makes his head throb and his body scream for rest. He has a job though and if he doesn’t get up anytime soon, he’s going to be late for the early morning rush and Kibum’s going to be pissed.

He grudgingly puts on his uniform and shoves his barista apron in his backpack, along with his music player and a few other necessities. He sets off for the coffee shop, a 15-minute ride by bus but since he only had 100 won in his pocket, he reckons that if he walks fast enough, he could get there in 35 minutes. Which would be enough to not let Kibum rant on about how he’s always late and how he never seems to care that  

“I’m always alone handling the snooty, impatient businessmen!” He can hear Kibum’s voice ringing in his ears and it makes him walk faster.

He reaches the coffee shop just in time for the morning crowd to start coming in and demand their espressos and lattes, impatience and edginess laced in their voices.

Kibum sees him and shoots him a murdering glare. He ignores it and hastily puts on his apron, tying the knot together in a messy manner.

“Thought you’d never appear,” Kibum mutters in his ear as Jonghyun fills up a cup with black coffee. Kibum then proceeds to tie Jonghyun's apron again, this time making sure that it is nice and neat. Jonghyun mutters a barely audible thank you while Kibum just rolls his eyes.

The both of them work like a perfect tandem thereafter, Kibum oftentimes helping Jonghyun with his orders since he works faster and more precise. When the last of the morning crowd drifted out of the shop and the only ones left were the regulars who spent most of their mornings sipping coffee and reading or writing, Jonghyun falls on a chair in a heap of messy hair and tired bones. He still hasn’t eaten anything and Kibum can sense it, as Jonghyun almost always comes to work without food in his stomach.

“Here, I made you ham and cheese.” Kibum hands the wrapped sandwich over to him and Jonghyun whole-heartedly accepts it with a small smile. He’s quite used to Kibum making him little snacks. Even though Kibum can be pretty snarky at times, he was a good friend who cared a lot. Jonghyun’s thankful he has Kibum.

As Jonghyun eats his sandwich in silence, he watches over the coffee shop with a familiar sense of relief. He always feels like this once morning rush has ended. The coffee shop provided everything that he needed after a rough night: silence, comfort, and easy-listening music playing softly and wrapping the shop in a gentle embrace.

The chimes sound, signaling a new customer. It’s a boy with long, copper locks and soft, feminine features that makes Jonghyun do a double-take. He’s wearing black skinny jeans, an oversized graphic tee, beaten-up Doc Martens, and an easy-going smile. He walks in a laidback, graceful manner, as if he has all the time in the world. Jonghyun’s never seen him around before.

Jonghyun stands up and puts on his barista face. “Welcome,” he greets the boy.

The boy replies with a smile. “One vanilla milkshake please.”

Jonghyun turns around and starts making the drink, humming to himself a senseless tune. The boy starts tapping his fingers on the marble table, a beat familiar to Jonghyun but he remains silent and finishes the drink with whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top. He hands it to the boy. “Enjoy.”

The boy takes it and starts drinking it in a fast manner, as if he was here to quench his thirst and not to lounge around. Jonghyun starts to head back to his chair but the boy suddenly says to him, “Hey weren’t you that guy who performed at the _____ Park a few days ago?”

Jonghyun stops in his tracks and turns around to meet the younger boy’s eyes. He did sing at the park a couple of days ago, when he was low on funds and decided to perform in public for a few pieces of cash. 

“Yes…that was me. Why do you ask?”

The boy smiles. “Nothing. I just thought you were good, that’s all.”

Jonghyun’s eyes light up but they dim as soon as he realizes that he’s given up on that dream already. “Thanks, but I’ve also been told that I wasn’t good enough.”

The younger boy looks at him warily and it’s enough to make Jonghyun feel uncomfortable. Which is just ridiculous, because this boy is probably years younger than him and he doesn’t even know his name.

“I know why you’re not good enough.” The younger boy says in an even tone.

Jonghyun’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really now?”

“Yeah. It’s because you think you’re not good enough.” He pauses to finish the last remains of his milkshake. “You lack confidence, hyung.”

Jonghyun scoffs. “Since when were you allowed to call me hyung?”

“Since three seconds ago. My name’s Taemin. Nice to meet you, Jonghyun-hyung.”

Jonghyun’s about to ask him how he knows his name when he realizes that he’s wearing a nametag.

Taemin’s not done. “You’re so talented and passionate and I get that you love singing and playing the guitar but you have no trust in yourself whatsoever. That’s the thing bringing you down. If you yourself don’t think you have what it takes, people will sense that and they’ll lose interest.”

Jonghyun lets that sink in for awhile. “How do you know all these stuff?”

“Been there, done that.”

Jonghyun doesn’t know if Taemin was the one having the lack of confidence or it was just something he saw in other people. Jonghyun couldn’t imagine Taemin being unconfident. The boy was young but he had guts. Guts that Jonghyun wanted, guts that Jonghyun needed.

“You’re a dancer, aren’t you?” Jonghyun says to him. He noticed it in the way the younger boy moved and handled himself.

Taemin nods. “Yup. In fact, I should probably go now. I’m on my way to practice. I have a performance next week. How much for this milkshake again?”

Jonghyun smiles, the first genuine smile he’s had in weeks. “It’s on the house, kid. Oh, and good luck.” He then gets up and starts walking towards the employees’ lounge. He can hear Taemin calling out “Thanks! Wait, what did you just call me?”

Jonghyun can just chuckle when Kibum asks him who he was just talking to.

^^

The next time Jonghyun sees Taemin is in a dance competition. He’s on his way home from work and he sees a large crowd of people gathering around a small stage. This piques Jonghyun’s interest and he stops and decides to watch for awhile, somehow knowing in the back of his mind that the little firecracker was going to be here.

Sure enough, after the last b-boy strutted out his finishing moves, with some of his friends in the crowd cheering loudly and hooting, Lee Taemin is called out by the announcer and a gaggle of girls just a few meters away from Jonghyun start shrieking and chanting his name.

So the little firecracker even has his own fan club.

Impressive but ridiculous, Jonghyun thinks. Or maybe it’s only because he wishes people would support him too.

Taemin enters the stage and he’s wearing his typical outfit of black skinny jeans and oversized graphic tee although the Doc Martens have been replaced by a pair of bright Nikes. The music starts and Taemin pops and locks and dances to the beat and the rhythm and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Taemin is really good.  Jonghyun is captivated by his performance and it seems that the crowd has mirrored Jonghyun’s reaction to Taemin’s fluid movements onstage. It’s like Taemin was made to dance and dance was made for people like Taemin. It was mind-blowing, it was crazy, but most of all, it made Jonghyun feel something else. Like watching Taemin dance with so much passion and love for the art renewed something in Jonghyun’s soul. It reignited the spark in his heart and his fingers start itching for the strings of his guitar and he feels like belting out lyrics and singing with his heart on his sleeve. It feels amazing.

The upbeat song dies down and Taemin bows to the adoring crowd who’s cheering and screaming his name. He seems to like the attention as he smiles and waves and blows kisses, the grin on his face growing wider as the shouts and calls grow louder as well.

Turns out Taemin is the last performer and once the results are announced, Jonghyun isn’t surprised at all to find out that Taemin is the over-all winner. He stays by the sidelines for awhile as Taemin is doted on by his friends and some of his fangirls. Once they disperse in different directions, congratulating him for the last time, Taemin is left alone with a handsome young man who looks to be his dance trainer. Jonghyun takes it as his chance to congratulate the little firecracker that could.

“Hey, so I never knew you could dance like that.” He greets Taemin with a sheepish smile.

Taemin’s eyes light up as he sees him. “Oh, Jonghyun-hyung! You saw my performance?”

Jonghyun ruffles his hair. “Yup. Congratulations.”

Taemin beams at him. “Thanks. Oh, by the way, this is Yunho-hyung. He’s the one who teaches me everything I need to know. Yunho-hyung, this is Jonghyun-hyung, someone I met just recently. He sings well.”

Yunho smiles at him. “Nice to meet you, Jonghyun. Guys, I hate to leave but I have someplace to go. Taemin, I’ll see you on Tuesday, same time as always. Good job again.” He waves at Jonghyun. “See you around.”

“He’s going on a date.” Taemin whispers to Jonghyun, giggling to himself. Jonghyun just raises an eyebrow at Taemin and says nothing.

^^

“It’s like sometimes, I can’t distinguish between dreams and reality. Which one is more important? Which one I should focus on more? I gave up everything for my dream yet everything seems to be crumbling down to pieces and I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I still pursue it? I feel…lost somehow.” Jonghyun confides in Taemin as they walk to the bus stop together.

Taemin stays silent for awhile, which mildly surprises Jonghyun because the little firecracker never seems to be at loss for words and he worries if he’s hit a sensitive spot. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence in Jonghyun’s part, Taemin finally speaks up.

“I’ll let you in on a secret, hyung. I love to dance. It’s become a big part of my life and sometimes, dancing comes as easy as breathing yet…I also feel as if it’s haunting me in a way that it’s not supposed to.”

Jonghyun’s eyebrows shoot up but he decides to say nothing and just waits for Taemin to continue. It takes awhile, since the younger boy seems to be trying his best in organizing his thoughts and choosing the best way to explain it to him.

“You see…my dad’s a business tycoon. And naturally, he wants me to take over the company someday. The thing is, I want to dance. I’m still in high school so I’m quite free to do whatever I want but it’s my last year and I just know he’s going to make me take up a business course but as I said before, all I really wanna do is dance. I love my dad though and I don’t want to let him down but I don’t want to let myself down too. In that way, I also feel lost…like you.” Taemin pauses and smiles weakly. “Stuck between dreams and reality. It’s a bittersweet feeling.”

Jonghyun stays silent. He realizes that he likes listening to Taemin talk because sometimes, brilliant things come out of the little firecracker’s mouth. Given that the main reason why he’s so intrigued with Taemin is because of what he said about Jonghyun and his lack of belief in his own self.

They reach the stop but they find out that they’ve just missed their bus. The next one doesn’t come by in an hour.  They sit on the cold bench and talk and it takes Jonghyun a few seconds to realize that he has laced his fingers with Taemin’s involuntarily but he reckons it doesn’t really matter because Taemin doesn’t seem to mind.

“I’m lost.” Jonghyun starts, letting the words linger in the air. “And you’re lost too.” He squeezes Taemin’s hand gently. “Let’s be lost together.”

Taemin smiles and nods. Jonghyun sighs in relief.

So maybe things are getting better, Jonghyun thinks as Taemin leans his head on his shoulder and it’s enough to make Jonghyun feel all nice inside. At least now I’ve found something to believe in. And it’s beautiful. Taemin’s beautiful.

Jonghyun smiles as he feels the younger boy’s warmth against his shoulder.

This is beautiful. The lost can certainly be lost together.

fin.