a few things:

• I miss waking up during the late hours of the morning, groggy and tired but no voice chanting in my head, "School, school! You've got school!" I miss taking showers without the coldness of the water penetrating my senses and making me feel as if I might just break under its biting aftermath. I miss blogging about the mundane events of my life and when my problems only centered around my precious oppars and whether or not the concert fancams would be clear or the variety shows that SHINee recently appeared in were already subbed. I miss writing and reading well-thought fanfiction and that certain connection I feel with the author which is a bit ridiculous but makes sense in the most perfect, outlandish way. I miss orange orange juice and toasted bread with condensed milk. I miss eating ramyeon during lunchtime. I miss lazy days. I miss not caring about homework. I miss them. I miss him. I miss you.
• I miss summer.

• School is okay though. It's stressful, yeah. It's draining, yeah. It makes you feel stupid, yeah. But I'm still in pieces and very much alive so I guess I'll get the hang of it soon. Hopefully, sooner than soon.
• Keep your chin up high and try not to die.

• Writing is bleeding and I don't want it to be anything else but. Journalism does not approve of reckless abandon and I would just feel trapped and insecure there. I like letting myself go when I write. For me, writing is an outlet and not an obligation.
• To write more is to bleed more, to bleed more is to open up more, to let go more is to risk more, to risk more is to understand weakness.
• And sometimes, understanding our weaknesses becomes our biggest strength.
• Barely there but not stopping.

• Today is my parents' supposed 27th Wedding Anniversary. Peter, Paul and Mary's Blowin' in the Wind is on repeat. My dad loved that song and I would always hear him singing it. Those were the happy days before things took a turn and everything just sort of plummeted down, including our family’s trust in him. Whenever I miss him, I play that song and I would just lie on my bed and think and hear him singing it in my memories.
• I miss him today more than ever. I wonder what he's doing right now and if he even remembers.

• SHINee World II officially starts in Seoul and then the five shining boys will hold concerts and perform in major cities around Asia as well. Hoping and not hoping that Manila will be included because there is only 50% chance that I'll be able to attend the concert, if it will be held here in my country.
• I know I'll die from the yearning if I can't go and I also know I'll die if I can go because my heart will exploded into tiny bits and pieces. I don't think I'll be able to take it either way.
• But of course, I'm hoping I can go. So please concert organizers, set the date on a convenient one. And Mom, please understand my reasons. You love me, don't you?

• I hope the universe will be kind.

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