Okay, so I am sad. Okay, so I am depressed. Actually, saying that doesn't even cut it. My mom says that I go around the house looking and acting as if someone died, or I died. Well maybe I am dead. Or rather, I wish I was.
How come nobody understands me in this house? It's like everything I do, think, or feel is considered wrong and inappropriate. Everything I do doesn't seem to satisfy them. I'm not allowed to be overly happy, overly excited, or overly unhappy. What am I supposed to feel then?
And now I can hear my mother shouting at me again, telling me to get my act together and stop looking so sullen and down. But why can't I feel sad if I want to be sad? I had such high hopes on winning that stupid contest and it all turned out to be false hope, should I go around smiling and laughing and skipping and thinking that the world is an absolutely wonderful place full of rainbows and sunshine?
Let me tell you what this world really is. This world is selfish, twisted, and cruel. Every piece of happiness you get, there's a price to pay. Everything you do, there's at least one person who will judge you. People always telling you to be yourself but if you tip off of their perspective of ''being yourself'', they'll tell you to stop doing, thinking, and feeling such things they deem outlandish.
I swear the only reason why they're telling me to act ''normal'' again is because they don't want me to go insane. Mom has even threatened that she won't allow me any access whatsoever to SHINee if I continue being like this. Okay, let's see how that'll turn out. Let's see if I'll still manage to function properly.
Let us fucking wait and see.
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