Hello!

Well, that's kind of an ironic greeting considering that this is my attempt at a proper goodbye message. Yup, that's right. Starting today, mapthehumansoul will be mapping no more. This blog needs to rest ... for good.

Believe me when I say, this was not at all an easy decision for me. But after much deliberation and countless internal debates with myself, I honestly think that this is for the best. Call it the need for personal closure or an effort to let go of things no longer within my reach but I've been mulling this over for weeks now - days spent walking with so many "yes" and "no" thoughts whirling around in my mind, nights spent laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling wondering if I'm really ready to put an end to something that has been an essential part of me for the past three years. I feel like I should be sad but really, I'm not. Maybe there's a bit of heartache present but not sadness because I want this and I like to think that I've prepared myself enough for a goodbye.

I regret a lot of things about this blog. It has been  home to a lot of my worst moments: sudden waves of overwhelming and unexplained unhappiness (melancholy, really), family struggles, pointless rants and breakdown posts filled with words that even up to now, still hurt like fresh wounds. But I accept those regrets because they are a part of me and because this blog has also been home to a lot of my best moments: seeing SHINee and EXO-K perform live (seeing inspiration in the flesh, really), silly and heartwarming fun-filled days with friends, personal achievements, and accomplishing some of the higher goals I've set for myself. I don't know what's going to happen in a few weeks, a few months, a few years from now but the one thing that will never change is that this has been home.

If you're reading this right now, I'd like to thank you. So freaking much. Blogging was an easy platform for me to express myself and it somehow served as a personal form of enjoyment but without you guys, I would never have had the motivation and the desire to post things or share my thoughts and feelings. Whether it be fandom-related issues, the happenings in my not-so-interesting life, or the occasional word vomit that I recklessly wrote during moments in which I was filled with words and not much more - some of you have been with me through thick and thin and it's simply amazing, truly wonderful. All your supportive messages about me, my writing, and my dreams have only made me strive to become a better person and I am so grateful that if I could hug each one of you right now, I would. Whether you've been my reader since 2011 or just started a week ago, thank you. Thank you for being a part of this and for being with me.

So I'm nearing the end of this message and I hope that all of you will have wonderful lives ahead. If you're a fellow blogger and you love sharing bits and pieces of yourself, don't stop if you're genuinely enjoying what you're doing! To those who plan on taking the route of blogging, it's a beautiful and enlightening journey. I discovered a lot of things about myself and somewhere along the way, I've had my defining moments. But certain journeys have to stop for some of us in order for new ones to pave way for brighter beginnings (okay, that sounded kind of storybook-like, I apologize).

I'm not gone for good though! I will no longer post here but you can still talk to me and send messages to my Tumblr ask box. I would greatly appreciate it if you weren't anonymous because I reply faster to private messages and I get to be more comfortable with you! If you have a Twitter account, my personal one is @yeheyimamoron and the one I use for fandom is @jagiya. Please feel free to send me a follower request if you're interested on us getting to know more about each other ^^

Also, tea-with-tablo and sleepyteas are still up and running and I don't have plans on taking them down soon :)

To end this, I'm going to quote a line from "Honesty", one of my favorite songs from SHINee:

If my joy became your happiness, then thank you.

a few things:

• Exactly a year ago, I was hunched over a desk trying my best to answer an entrance examination. And right now, I'm packing up my things and preparing myself for a bigger world out there. It's funny how time flies and how things can change in the course of a year. I have lost and I have gained and I have weighed options in my hands, some heavier than others. And I have watched people grow, become better versions of themselves, become stronger and I am so proud that I can only hope the best for all of us.
• I am 50% done with packing. I'm only saying 50% because I have too many clothes and they all won't fit in the suitcase and backpack that I'm going to be bringing with me on the 15th. I haven't even packed my shoes, slippers, towels, and bed sheets yet. This is going to be quite a struggle.
• Also, since I can't possibly bring all my clothes & things with me on the day that I'm moving in, I'm going back home on the weekend after my first week of school to get my remaining necessities and go back to the dorm again. My uni's a long way from home (a really looooooong way I'm going to cry) and travelling with luggage is tiring but someone's got to do it :c

It's Julienne's birthday today!!! Happy Birthday to that wonderful girl who will always be in my heart no matter the distance between us ♥

Also, Mosogourmet tweeted me today and I just wanna cry because baking senpai noticed me ;__________;

By the way, it's finally August and there are exactly two weeks left before I leave for college and below are some things I want to keep in mind and take to heart:

"No writing is wasted. Did you know that sourdough from San Francisco is leavened partly by a bacteria called lactobacillus sanfrancisensis? It is native to the soil there, and does not do well elsewhere. But any kitchen can become an ecosystem. If you bake a lot, your kitchen will become a happy home to wild yeasts, and all your bread will taste better. Even a failed loaf is not wasted. Likewise, cheese makers wash the dairy floor with whey. Tomato gardeners compost with rotten tomatoes. No writing is wasted: the words you can’t put in your book can wash the floor, live in the soil, lurk around in the air. They will make the next words better." —Erin Bow

"You’ll be fine. Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay even if you don’t feel okay all the time."

"The sun is perfect and you woke this morning. You have enough language in your mouth to be understood. You have a name, and someone wants to call it. Five fingers on your hand and someone wants to hold it. If we just start there, every beautiful thing that has and will ever exist is possible. If we start there, everything, for a moment, is right in the world." —Warsan Shire  

"If you know yourself, you’ll not be harmed by what is said about you." —Arab proverb 

Blognote #16: {07/29/2014}

I have just sixteen days left before I settle in at my dorm and I am a bundle of nerves and excitement. I think I will most likely be settling in there on my own, since my mother will be busy with a convention in Cebu, and right now I'm just hoping that I'll be all right without my mother's supervision. There is a probability that my room is haunted but the whole dorm is notorious for its creepy stories and the students' alarming (and eerie) encounters inside its walls which has led me to the wise decision that I am never taking a shower or going to the communal bathroom/restroom all alone. I'll be living with three roommates plus I'm right next to Kathleen's room (she's Room 28 and I'm Room 29) and Anne Mary's and Manuela's rooms are also located in the same wing as ours so I have that to be grateful for. I've also started segregating my clothes and I think I might have underestimated the amount of shirts and jeans that I have bought because I think I'm going to have a hard time fitting them all in just one suitcase and a knapsack along with the other necessities I have to bring with me. I'll go back home after three weeks though so I think I'll just bring enough for the amount of time in between.

On another note, I spent last Friday night with Julienne & Janina! Moreover, I also went to Gourmandz to celebrate Anne Mary's 17th birthday and afterwards, we had a sleepover at her house!! (≧◡≦) 

I met up with these two cuties at Starbucks

Forever using Jongin's stage name when ordering drinks because:

1. I'm too lazy to spell out my name and

2. I really really like it when they call his name and I'm the one who stands up to get my drink under his name ... MUCH DELUSIONAL I know (✿◠‿◠)

3. This is irrelevant but I'm just gonna confess right now that I buy most of my wallets from the children's section in department stores because JUST LOOK AT THAT CUTE TOTORO WALLET

More photos under the cut!

words dump

there is always an overwhelming urge to delete all my blogs and erase myself from everyone's browser history and find out who will care enough to remember. if all my words really do leave an imprint or an impact and if i really do change lives because maybe i'm just too naive to see the difference. a few months from now, i don't think i will be the chryss that everyone knows at the moment. or at least, who you think i am. i am constantly changing, trying to make myself better but maybe somewhere along the way, making myself worse. i don't know how to write without sounding like i'm an accident waiting to happen but i know where my heart lies most of the time. but maybe come october, i will no longer know the path that leads to where i truly wanna go and i end up writing poems about wanting to be safe, about wanting to stay inside comfort zones where i have no trouble breathing but the air is a recycled mess of oxygen used up and gone to waste. and i'm pretty sure my priorities will change, how i see the world will change, how i talk to people will change and maybe there are some things that will stay -- like the way i spend so much time taking showers and how i never know how to keep my things tidy because my mind is always a messy place -- but at the end of the day, i'm really scared about losing myself and forgetting who i once was and not being able to remember the things that matter right now. it's all a part of life, a way of the universe, entropy working its magic with its lack of predictability but it's scary to think about. i've always had some sort of trouble one way or another with letting go because sometimes i care too much that it hurts and this is something i've spent nights thinking about and never having anyone to talk to about them. this is the result.