Words of a teenage escapist.

and it all comes down to this. a summary of a year in a blog post that will never give enough justice to the true essence of 2013. a year that's broken me and shaped me and twisted me in ways i'd never imagined. a year filled with so much laughter, so much tears, so much cheers, and so many memories that i'll have to pack with me when i leave for college. a year filled with so many people, faces old and new, people with stories behind the curves of their eyelashes and people i am so thankful i talked to despite my awkwardness when it comes to initiating conversations. a year filled with so many blessings and a year that brought into existence the best night of my life. a year filled with fandom woes and personal drama and the never-ending cycle of crying and wiping away tears and putting on smiles because lee jinki once said that he smiles because he wants to forget. a year filled with so much passion, so much inspiration, so many reasons to continue what i love to do and to continue loving the people i love. a year filled with letting go and moving on and learning from the past and staying true to beliefs and personal opinions. a year of silence, a year of breaking out of shells and reaching out to the world with eager arms, and a year of keeping it all in. a year filled with lessons and reasons to be thankful despite all the struggles and all the things that continue to bother me.

i don't usually measure a year based on the events and the blessings and the people who made everything worth it but in 2013, the good outweighed the bad. tremendously. like elephants. like the beauty of rainbows. like the beating of a thousand hearts.

and what's next for little me? this question was asked by an anon on tumblr and i have my reply under the breakthrough. 2014, i'm not ready, but here i come!

i hope 2014 will be a basket full of the ripest berries. 2013 was a lull of a year as much as it was exhausting. college is looming ahead and it brings along with it tons of opportunities and open doors that i’m still confused as to which chances to grab and which pathways to take. responsibility will always be there hanging like an unwanted raincloud above my head but i know and i understand that it well help the flowers grow. we can’t have sunshine and rainbows all the time. too much sunlight can harm the eyes and prevent us from seeing what truly matters. also, i’m putting out a book with my best friend. never dreamed i’d be able to do that in a hundred years but a hundred and one years in the making and i managed to come up with the idea in a streak of inspiration. caught in the moment i was a bit reckless, a bit insecure, but a whole lot excited. right now i am just ready to make it and break it. break it out into the open in all the right ways and all the wrong ways and make people remember me, remember us, remember what we have. remember what we could be. 2014 is going to be all about the future and how to set all my dreams and aspirations into motion. it’s a blank canvas i want to splash paint on and leave angry strokes of the roughest brushes and then rip to shreds and spread the pieces everywhere i go. i want to feel everything and meet new people and write write write until i can’t and won’t anymore. in 2014, i want to be the best and the worst and the most alive that i can possibly be.