Words of a teenage escapist.

It's a little past 11 pm on a Friday night and I'm stuffing my face with cream puffs and wondering where I go from here. Please allow me to leave some of my lil thoughts under this breakthrough because I love my mom

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The concert is in exactly three weeks. In exactly three weeks, I'm going to meet the people who add splashes to my monochrome life. In exactly three weeks, I'm going to be breathing in the same coliseum as them. In exactly three weeks, I'm going to see the people I've only yearned for in the motherfucking flesh and the weight of that realization is so fucking powerful, you know? I never dreamed of this happening - for two of my favorite groups to perform on one stage together and for me to be in the fucking first seat of the fucking front row and I know I've already said this more than once but I'm just so fucking happy and I feel so fucking blessed and I don't think I can ever be thankful enough. 

When I told my mother that I might get a chance to interact with SHINee and EXO and that I might get teddy bears from them, the first thing that came out of her mouth was, "Run for your life. Make sure you get yourself a teddy bear!" and I had the biggest smile on my face because she was so supportive until I told her that I had a seat and I wouldn't be able to run, they had to personally hand it to me. She kind of frowned at that but then her face lit up again and she said, "On Saturday, we're going shopping. You need to look extra pretty during the concert. They have to notice you so that you'll get that teddy bear." I know I'm not going to get myself one of those coveted teddy bears just by wearing pretty clothes but I swear in that moment I wanted to cry. Bawl my eyes out. Sob all the happiness I felt inside.

My spirits were dampened earlier this week when I found out that people who had reserved seats were being taken for granted but it doesn't even matter anymore that I'm not in the mosh pit. Mom's concerned for my safety and I know I'm not going to be able to survive it there alone, especially when I'm so frail and small and sometimes people mistake me for a 12-year old. My heart is already full of joy simply knowing that my mother wants me to be happy. She is such a sweetheart.