Words of a teenage escapist.

everything is changing. the air is so heavy with heat and voices and oxygen i breathe in when all i want to do is fade away. the grass is changing, summer is so hot that the flowers are wilting. today i drank cold milk and i wanted to throw the glass at the wall and watch it break into tiny pieces because maybe i can delude myself into thinking that they’re diamonds or maybe even pixie dust. i ate chicken but i couldn’t taste it in my mouth, all i could taste was the sadness of my life crumbling down into pieces. someone i know has feelings for a boy and i want that too. i’ve been trying so hard to forget and i’m losing myself in the process. everything is either too much or too little, i’m always either unsatisfied or overwhelmed. the days are passing by in a blur and is it friday today or saturday? i can’t even bring myself to care. i’m eating apples and barbecue chips for dinner and my mother’s coming home tomorrow and i’ll have to eat rice again. i don’t like rice in my tummy, it’s too heavy. i want warm bread and warm tea instead. and there’s only one question i want answered right now, how to be brave?