Words of a teenage escapist.

today
i stepped on Yixing's tail
and the little kitten hissed at me
but i still cuddled it in my arms
and whispered,
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry."

i have a friend
who's broken promises
and the tie that knots the both of us
is becoming loose
and i'm a bit tired of trying to hold on
because i'm afraid she's tired as well
though i never want to let go.

my mom is always screaming obscenities
and painting the walls with anger
sometimes i'm her canvas
and i drip with black and white and red paint
my soul monochromatic
my heart bleeding.
but every night before i go to sleep
i pray for her
despite my doubts
despite my lack of faith
despite my hurting.

i still think about my father often
even though i know i shouldn't
because he's the cause of all of these
of all these bottled-up secrets
and this bottled-up pain
of this half-buried treasure
but he's also half the reason
why i managed to open a chest full of happiness
that i didn't have to hunt for.

life
has always been a source of distress
of sorrow
of agony
of hurting
but i'm happy to know
that life
is also the source of all things good
and sometimes,
we just need to see through all the bad stuff
to get us going.
positivity is key.