Everybody has those moments once in a while, right? When a sudden wave of loneliness washes over you and and you feel terribly alone, feel like drowning in a sea only you can feel, and in those moments, nothing else matters and you feel horrible, like you just want to die or fade away or something alone those lines. To cease and desist.
Well, I felt it this morning. Strongly.
I was on my way to a nearby convenience store that's about a 5-minute walk from my house, planning to buy some snacks because the only food left in the house are leftovers from the New Year's Eve Party and biscuits that I'm not really in the mood to eat. My stomach was growling because I just had two pieces of buttered toast for breakfast and it's a particularly cold and windy day and I forgot to put on my jacket so I was trembling (I only had on a loose shirt and shorts), and that's when I felt unbearably alone. The streets were empty, desolated, it felt like a real ghost town. I could only hear the wind howling and shaking the trees and the faint, distant bark of a dog from somewhere. It felt unreal. I live in a quiet neighborhood but it was different today. I was the only one out on the street and I suddenly craved for human companionship so much that I ended up fast-walking to the convenience store and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when I saw the familiar old lady who's usually manning the store.
Dread. That's what I felt aside from the aching, gnawing loneliness. Dread for what? I don't know. But it was there and it threatened to eat me up alive. I'm glad the episode is over. I usually get these once or twice a month, it really depends sometimes I don't, but whenever it does, I feel my whole world crumbling down and it's enough to make me feel as if I'm really alone in this world.
...
On a lighter note, I painted my nails the color of Sehun's hair! This is a bit alarming because: 1) I do not paint my nails. and 2) A week ago, I had no gooey, mushy feelings for Sehun whatsoever and now I'm painting my nails the color of his hair.
This is getting bad.
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