6.05.2012


First day of Junior year tomorrow.

Help.

I am feeling the most horrible mix of anticipation and anxiety and apprehension.

Also, prom is this year and I am dreading it. I am terribly awkward socially, mentally, and physically and I don’t think I’ve ever had any proper conversation/interaction with a boy before given the fact that I go to an all girls’ high school and even though I had boy classmates during my elementary years, I was already horribly awkward and anti-social back then. I was a nerd and a dork that spent way too much time reading and making up stories in my head. I also devoted a large amount of effort into playing Pokémon and I don’t think boys found that cute. I also hate wearing heels and I can’t dance and I am really bad at striking up conversations and small talk.

It’s still 9 months away but time flies by, especially when you’re not looking forward to something that people are actually excited for. Really, I wish I could be like my classmates who really look forward to that one night but I can’t really picture myself enjoying. I hate any social gatherings of any kind. I bet I’m just going to be a wallflower, and not even the endearing kind. Just the plain kind of wallflower that fades into the background, the kind people wouldn’t even miss.

Yeah.

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