Today is my older sister's 20th birthday and by older sister, I mean the one who passed away before she could take her first breath of the world. The one who was supposed to live instead of me. And like every year, it is a time for me to think and reflect, a time to wonder how things would be if I didn't exist. Would I still matter? Obviously not but I can't help thinking if people's lives would be different. If my mother would smile the way she smiles each time I say I love her (because I do it so rarely but only because I mean it the most). If my father would still have someone to talk to during the early hours of the morning when he was still by my side and I was the only one awake. If Manong Mark would still have someone to pester and tease and tickle mercilessly. If Manang Cristel would still have someone to fangirl with over Super Junior and if she would still have someone to watch Korean dramas and Studio Ghibli movies with. If Manong Christian would still have his Pokemon and anime buddy. If my friends would have an unknown gap somewhere in their lives. If all the people I've met and talked to would feel like there's something (more specifically, someone) missing.
Probably not and somehow, that saddens me to a certain extent. Our existence really matters, doesn't it?
Happy 20th Birthday to the one who passed away. I love you, Manang.
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