Hello, I am awake when I should be sleeping. It's quarter to 4 in the very early morning and the world is too quiet for me at the moment. The only things I hear are the tapping of keys, the ticking of my bedroom clock much like the ticking of a time bomb, and the soft hum of my laptop. I can't sleep and Mom came in around ten minutes ago, wondering why I was awake. I forgot that she was the lightest sleeper on Earth. I bet she can hear me breathing from across the hall.
I'm still wondering why she's not mad. In this household, sleep is the law. She once told us that if you don't get enough sleep, you don't get enough food as well. But me getting enough sleep is like asking for a goldfish to swim on land, it's just not possible at the moment.
I used to think that 4 a.m. knew a lot of my secrets but really, it just knows my pain. It knows my darkest thoughts and it knows why I can't seem to get enough sleep. It knows why sometimes, everything is too much for me to take and it knows why sometimes, I just need a bit of early morning silence to wash away the pain. It probably knows me a lot better than most people do.
Little dearie, the world is cold and so are a lot of people. Little dearie, I am sad and tired and so are a lot of people. Little dearie, you're probably bigger than me and so are a lot of people. Little dearie, I am unsure of everything and so are a lot of people. Little dearie, the metaphors in your eyes are beautiful and I can only wish to be as beautiful because I'll let you in on a secret - most days, I feel ugly inside.
Most days, I feel like I am rotting away.
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