all was well this week until i woke up today and the horrible morning feeling that i usually got over the course of the past weeks came back. i haven't felt it since last friday, and it came back this morning and i wanted to throw up, i wanted cry, i wanted to smash all the plates in our house, and i just felt so incredibly and unbearably lonely that i felt like i was being eaten inside and out. the moths have come to eat the leathery skin of my heart and i am aching and hurting and i was so happy, so so happy until the monsters decided that it was time for the happiness to be over. i don't know why the horrible feeling came back and it just so happens that it decided to paint red streaks on my canvas the day before my birthday. if this happens again tomorrow, i might just shrivel up into a ball and scream.
Of rainy days, cloudy skies, fiction, Korean music, pretty boys, agoraphobia, thoughts on paper, and the scent of rain on dry earth.
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