He's caked in sunshine and I'm his sunflower.

I love Lee Taemin.

That statement alone says a lot of things about me.

It means that I’m a kpop fan, particularly, a fan of SHINee. It means that I prefer pretty boys over ruggedly-handsome ones. It means that I’m one of those girls who are turned on by boys acting cute, not masculine. It means that I like lanky boys with not much muscle. It means that I like boys who are prettier than me. It means that I’m not sure where I stand with myself. It means that I’m one of those girls who are out-of-their-mind.

I’m delusional, irrational, foolish, absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous, nonsensical, but most of all, I am stupid.

It’s crazy. That I can feel so many emotions, feelings, and sentiments towards a person who doesn’t even know of my existence. Someone whom I will probably never meet, if all plans go wrong. Someone who wouldn’t care less about what I feel, because after all, I’m just another fan, just another voice in the audience, just another face in a crowd that’s jostling and screaming like there’s no tomorrow. And he’s probably scared of me too. Aren’t they all?

I know this might just be another phase of mine. I’ve only lived for 14 years and 7 months after all. I still have a whole lifetime stretched out before me. But what’s wrong with loving, just as long as there’s no hurting? I’m not affecting anyone with my outlandish love for a Korean boy.  A Korean boy who manages to brighten me with his smile, his fluid dance movies, his strong and powerful vocals, his funny antics, his love for banana milk, his repetition of clothes,  his inability to talk properly during interviews, his bratty side, his cluelessness when it comes to interacting with girls, his mysterious hints of liking a certain lucky girl, his not-at-all funny jokes, his passion and motivation to become a better singer, his “fierce” face whenever he’s performing, his hip thrusts, his always-changing hair, his mile-long legs, his crescent-shaped eyes, and just basically every little bit and nitty-gritty about him.

He's the only reason why I wake up in the morning. I don’t care if it’s insane. Loving him, it makes me feel less lonely.